Eurovision 2023: All of this year’s songs ranked, from bonkers to brilliant

Eurovision has finally arrived in the UK and you know what that means - it's time to grab the glitter, pour yourself a big drink and settle into one of the best nights of the year.

It’s the first time the UK has hosted since way back in 1998 and this time it's holding the event on behalf of last year’s winners Ukraine.

There are 26 songs ready to battle it out in the final on Saturday (May 13) and as ever there’s a selection of weird and wonderful efforts to enjoy.

The competition has already said goodbye to plenty of entries in the two semi-finals. Thankfully, all of the truly bonkers stuff has made it through to the weekend.

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We’ve gone ahead and ranked the songs taking part in the final this year, from the insipid to the truly inspired. These are our picks, going from worst to best.

Portugal – Mimicat, Ai Coracao

Mimicat - Ai Coração | Portugal 🇵🇹 | National Final Performance | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

As a rule, you don’t tend to get as many genuinely dreadful songs as you used to at Eurovision. This woeful effort is clearly the exception to that rule. The worst entry this year and possibly of the last few years, this.

Albania - Albina & Familja Kelmendi, Duje

Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje | Albania 🇦🇱 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

We regret to inform you this traditional folk-inspired track is a real dud, and we’re not sure how it got through the second semi-final. Meh.

Estonia - Alika, Bridges

Alika - Bridges | Estonia 🇪🇪 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

An exceptionally boring ballad, with the self-playing piano on stage as the only talking point. Alika has an impressive set of lungs on her, but you could hear this song 1,000 times and still not remember it.

Cyprus - Andrew Lambrou, Break a Broken Heart

Andrew Lambrou - Break A Broken Heart | Cyprus 🇨🇾 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

A dreary old bag of nothing from Cyprus. Really nothing to write home about aside from Andrew Lambrou’s strange vest top and the pyrotechnics. We promise you things get better soon.

Serbia – Luke Black, Samo Mi Se Spava

Luke Black - Samo Mi Se Spava (LIVE) | Serbia 🇷🇸 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Serbia has gone gothic this year for this cinematic but ultimately unsatisfying effort. If you like your synth-pop with a slightly creepy edge, this could be for you, but there’s no tune in sight here.

Germany – Lord of the Lost, Blood & Glitter

Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter (LIVE) | Germany 🇩🇪 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Comfortably the worst heavy rock effort at this year’s contest. Not much to like about any of it, but you never know with the public vote.

Spain – Blanca Paloma, EAEA

Blanca Paloma - EAEA | Spain 🇪🇸 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

A brooding, forgettable effort from Spain this year. Sounds like the songwriter couldn’t be bothered to finish off the chorus.

Ukraine – TVORCHI, Heart of Steele

TVORCHI - Heart Of Steel | Ukraine 🇺🇦 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Couldn’t be more different to this last year’s winning song 'Stefanie' from Ukraine. This attempt at sultry RnB isn’t the strongest in this year’s competition, but it’s not the worst by any stretch.

Croatia - Let 3, Mama ŠČ!

Let 3 - Mama ŠČ! (LIVE) | Croatia 🇭🇷 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Croatia has the most eye-catching look at this year’s event by far – if you like drag performers with Charlie Chaplin moustaches, you’re in for a treat. The song itself sounds like someone flicking through a load of different radio stations at once, but you know what, we don't hate it.

France – La Zarra, Évidemment

La Zarra - Évidemment (LIVE) | France 🇫🇷 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Sounds a bit like Edith Piaf’s ill-advised disco-pop phase. Wants to be playful, but ends up being a bit meh.

Switzerland – Remo Forrer, Watergun

Remo Forrer - Watergun | Switzerland 🇨🇭 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

“I don’t want to be a soldier”, Forrer sings in this pretty uninspired anti-war anthem. Given he’s representing famously neutral Switzerland, we don’t think he has to worry. Well performed, but not one to take seriously this year.

Slovenia - Joker Out, Carpe Diem

Joker Out - Carpe Diem | Slovenia 🇸🇮 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

The verse in this guitar band effort might land a little flat, but the chorus is reasonably strong. It doesn’t feel particularly Eurovision, but these happy chappies might just do alright.

Lithuania - Monica Linkyte, Stay

Monika Linkytė - Stay | Lithuania 🇱🇹 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

There are the bones of a good song in here, with parts bearing an odd similarity to something from the Lion King soundtrack, but it ends up going nowhere.

Australia – Voyager, Promise

Voyager - Promise | Australia 🇦🇺 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Techno hair metal, anyone? This is a nicely put-together track, from a group that sounds like a heavier take on A-ha. This one could hoover up a good chunk of the rock vote.

Armenia - Brunette, Future Lover

Brunette - Future Lover | Armenia 🇦🇲 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

This one goes from a fairly intimate ballad to something much bigger in scale, belted out by the diminutive Brunette – aka Ariana Grande-lookalike Elen Yeremyan. Pretty impressive.

Israel – Noa Kirel, Unicorn

Noa Kirel - Unicorn (LIVE) | Israel 🇮🇱 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Bombastic pop, belted out by Kirel who looks like she was born to be on the Eurovision stage, with some of the most impressive staging we’ve seen in some time. Could perhaps be one to watch outside of the immediate favourites.

Czechia – Vesna, My Sister’s Crown

Vesna - My Sister's Crown | Czechia 🇨🇿 | Official Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

An interesting entry, this one. It won’t win but it mixes traditional folk elements with pop and dance elements well, with a strong feminist angle in there too. Not bad at all.

UK – Mae Muller, I Wrote A Song

Mae Muller - I Wrote A Songwww.youtube.com

Fancy a sassy breakup bop? Mae Muller’s got you covered. It’s a comedown from Sam Ryder’s brilliant effort last year and an ever-so-slightly underwhelming track for a host nation it must be said, but will do well for the UK.

Italy - Marco Mengoni, Due vite

Marco Mengoni - Due Vite | Italy 🇮🇹 | National Final Performance | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

A more than competent power pop effort from the Italians. The songwriting shows a touch of class, but it might just be missing a great central hook to keep people coming back to it.

Moldova – Pasha Parfeni, Soarele şi Luna

Pasha Parfeni - Soarele şi Luna (LIVE) | Moldova 🇲🇩 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Get your flute out and get yourself on the dancefloor, it’s time for a right old knees up courtesy of this bop from Moldova’s Pasha Parfeni. We like.

Poland – Blanka, Solo

Blanka - Solo | Poland 🇵🇱 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Sounding and looking a bit like Dua Lipa’s long-lost Polish cousin, Blanka delivers a fun little ditty which could do really well this year. Very good vibes, this one.

Finland – Käärijä, Cha Cha Cha

Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha (LIVE) | Finland 🇫🇮 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Could this be Finland’s first win since Lordi in 2006 with 'Hard Rock Hallelujah?' It’s one of the clear favourites. We’re not as fully on board as others seem to be with this truly bonkers euro trance effort, but it’s a novelty that might just pay off.

Norway – Alessandra, Queen Of Kings

Alessandra - Queen of Kings (LIVE) | Norway 🇳🇴 | First Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

This is a great big slice of thunderous scandi pop, which deserves to do well this year. Look out for Alessandra hitting some of the highest notes in the competition, too.

Austria – Tea & Salena, Who the Hell is Edgar?

Teya & Salena - Who The Hell Is Edgar? | Austria 🇦🇹 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

If you’re going with a novelty effort at Eurovision these days, you better make it catchy as hell and well put together – that’s exactly what Austria have managed here, with a brilliant, bonkers track that might just do really well.

Belgium – Belgium Gustaph, Because Of You

Gustaph - Because Of You | Belgium 🇧🇪 | Second Semi-Final | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

This is what Eurovision is all about. It’s a belting call to the dancefloor with serious oomph. Sounds like Will Young mixed with Jamiroquai and Culture Club, and we’re very much here for it.

Sweden – Loreen, Tattoo

Loreen - Tattoo | Sweden 🇸🇪 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2023www.youtube.com

Eurovision icon Loreen is back more than a decade after winning with 'Euphoria' in 2012, and the new track is right out of the same EDM playbook.

This one nails the modern Eurovision formula – brooding verses that evolve into massive choruses, with hooks at every turn. It’s not quite the classic that Euphoria was, but this is another deeply impressive entry from a legend of the Eurovision game.

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