'I almost killed my girlfriend by crawling up the stairs like a demon'

One man's pamper night turned into mayhem after unintentionally scaring his girlfriend to near-death. Naturally, he shared the hilarious ordeal to Reddit.

The couple borrowed his girlfriend's father's house for the weekend with their one-year-old son. "The kid was put down", clarifying, "(to sleep)", and his girlfriend headed to bed a few hours later.

The Redditor decided he wanted to take a bath in the early hours of the morning, explaining: "I love taking baths at night and we don't have a tub at home now, so when I get the chance, I go for it."

The only challenge he faced was the bathroom was on the same floor as the bedrooms, and the staircase was incredibly creaky.

"It sounds like you're violently disintegrating it beneath your feet as you climb it, the noise is insane," he hilariously penned. "Those noises will wake everyone in the house if you don't go about it expertly, and even then, you're still making enough noise to garner a contract on your head from the neighbours."

Subsequently, he came up with an innovative plan: Walk on all fours.

Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter

"The idea made sense at the time, and to be honest, it worked, future consequences notwithstanding! The creaking was much, much lower," he joked.

Just as he turned off all the lights and made his ascent to the bathroom, his partner came out into the hallway not wearing her contact lenses.

"I freeze, she looks at me, and all she could see was my pale, tired nighttime face frozen in an undoubtedly unfortunate grimace, with a bigger, even paler body, climbing up at her like an albino spider from the pitch-black darkness of downstairs. On all fours. At 1am,

"She screamed so loud it shook my eyeballs and howled as she fell to the floor and shrieked in very real, deathly fear. Our son woke up, joining his mother in the absolute mayhem that was my relaxing bath time."

After preventing himself from falling down the stairs, he rushed up to calm his girlfriend, who was "terrified and furious" at him.

"She, ever the drama queen, feels this was not appropriate behavior at 1am at night. She also thought I looked like 'an American version of the The Grudge Girl, but creepier.'

"Threats were leveled against me and my dearest parts if I ever did that again."

But, all was well in the end as he concluded: "I got my bath though!"

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.