Bride divides opinion after asking non-binary sibling to choose dress or suit for wedding day

Ellie Abraham@ellieabraham
Monday 24 May 2021 17:19
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(Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A bride-to-be has divided opinion online after asking their non-binary sibling to choose if they will be wearing a dress or suit to her wedding.

In a post on Reddit’s ‘Am I the Asshole?’ forum, the bride explained that they had been planning their wedding for over a year.

When they asked their sibling to be a bridesmaid they had not yet come out as non-binary. Now that they have, they are now a bridesperson and the bride told them they can either wear a dress or suit, as long as it matched the rest of the wedding party’s colour.

The bride and author of the post explained: “Sometimes they dress feminine, sometimes masculine and others in-between the two.

“I asked if they still wanted to be a bridesmaid and they said they’d rather be a bridesperson which obviously is not a problem.

“I asked them if they would be wearing a dress, suit or something else smart but the same colour as my friends’ dresses. They said they weren’t sure and they would get back to me.”

The bride went on to explain that she was feeling frustrated at their siblings’ indecision as they said they wouldn’t be able to decide until the day of the wedding.

She wrote: “I only asked three bridesmaids as the wedding is on a budget but I still wanted to pay for their dresses.

“Now it’s two months until the wedding and they still haven’t decided what they want to wear.

“I asked today if they had decided because I really have to order the bridesmaid dresses ASAP even though they are premade in the shop as they still need adjustments.

“I said I’m still buying the dress, suit or whatever else they want to wear but I need to know what it will be.

“My sibling is insisting they won’t know until the day whether they want to dress more feminine; a dress, or more masculine; a suit, so I should buy both and I can return whatever one they don’t wear.”

The bride then explained that the shop won’t allow returns on items that have been altered, meaning she would be unable to return either outfit.

She explained that she was beginning to feel guilty, especially after her sibling called her a “bridezilla” because she won’t buy both outfits.

Generally, people took the bride’s side, though some sympathised with the sibling who is relatively newly out as a non-binary person.

One Redditor said: “NTA [Not the asshole]. Your sibling is being unreasonable. Why should you have to buy them 2 different outfits?

“A compromise I could see happening is you agree to buy one thing (dress or suit) and they buy the other. That way they can accommodate their indecisiveness without it burdening you too much.”

Others sympathised with the sibling. One person said: “I don’t blame them for feeling uncertain. If they only recently came out, they may still be having an especially hard time figuring out how they feel most comfortable.”

Another person wrote: “It is unrealistic to expect you to buy them two separate outfits, so they can decide the DAY OF YOUR WEDDING, what they want to wear.

“Especially since you likely can’t return the unworn item. You’re not being a ‘bridezilla’, they are being a ‘bridespersonzilla’.”

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