When was the last time you heard anyone say the phrase "take a chill pill"?
The late 90s? On an old rerun episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? This year when your friend tried to use it ironically but you immediately disowned them?
Well, one construction worker in Larkspur, California, claims they heard it quite recently. This week, actually, when they politely asked a woman to vacant a no parking zone so a delivery could be completed.
Rude, huh? Not as rude as it soon would become, when the construction worker - known as BBQLunch on Reddit, where the story was told - decided to extract some revenge.
Are we all sitting comfortably? Let's begin.
Straight off the bat, our wordsmith has begun to elicit sympathy for his plight. Masterfully done.
"Until today." Has there ever been a more ominous use of the word "until" or "today" than the phrase "until today"?
"Didn't want him parked in the middle of the street with his hazards on for an hour." Our hero really is considerate, isn't he?
A lot to unpack here. First of all, new character alert. Secondly, there is no excuse for someone parking in a spot when it is clearly marked 'no parking'. Thirdly... Take. A. Chill. Pill. Just, why?
Who would play the role of the rude driver in the Hollywood remake of this tale? Who could deliver the "Jesus, it's not that hard" line with just enough venom? Cate Blanchett, maybe? Maybe even Meryl Streep? Also, this scene is very:
We digress, back to the story.
Cate Blanchett could probably pull this glare off quite well, too.
This parent has spent far too long playing Grand Theft Auto if you ask us.
What a climactic third act!
Is anyone else thinking Jake Gyllenhaal for the role of our every-man protagonist?
And just like that, it was over. What a roller coaster. What a ride. The complex and layered character progression. The master plan and its near-flawless execution. Revenge served cold. And the moral of the story? Don't say, "Take a chill pill." Ever.