Julia Fox says working as a dominatrix taught her about her sexuality
Call Her Daddy

Although Valentine’s Day is a good excuse to treat your partner to a bouquet of flowers or a nice meal, it’s also a good opportunity to explore the saucier side of a relationship, too.

From the more vanilla fantasies such as trying a sex toy to the more unique ones such as having home invaders stroke you with a broom, kinks and desires are a normal and healthy part of sexuality (so long as there is consent from all parties, of course).

But up to a third of Brits keep their partners in the dark about their sexual fantasies.

Although they may seem like a taboo subject, being able to communicate frankly about your desires with your partner increases the likelihood of you both getting to live your best lives. If you don’t ask you don’t get, right?

Sign up to our new free Indy100 weekly newsletter

Ahead of Valentine’s Day, the sexual wellness experts at sex toy company Sinful surveyed 1,000 people to learn about what makes them tick.

And hey, maybe your fantasy isn’t quite as rare as you assumed…

Here are the top ten sexual fantasies of Brits:

  1. Sex outside (21 per cent)
  2. Mutual oral sex [69ing] (20 per cent)
  3. Having a threesome (18 per cent)
  4. Lingerie (17 per cent)
  5. Using sex toys with a partner (17 per cent)
  6. Sex with a stranger (16 per cent)
  7. Roleplay (14 per cent)
  8. Sensual massage (12 per cent)
  9. Spanking (10 per cent)
  10. Light BDSM [blindfolds, hand ties] (10 per cent)

Most people have indulged, too. The survey found that seven in ten people (70 per cent) have carried out at least one sexual desire in real life, the most popular being sex outdoors, with nearly one-in-four people (24 per cent) having had a little al-fresco fumble.

Sinful found a slight difference in women’s top desires compared to men’s.

While there were a lot of similarities in what men and women desire, such as outdoor tumbles and lingerie, women showed more curiosity towards toys while men are more likely to want to introduce an extra person to the bedroom.

Women’s top sexual desires:

  1. Sex outside (17 per cent)
  2. Using sex toys with a partner (17 per cent)
  3. Lingerie (16 per cent)
  4. Using sex toys solo (12 per cent)
  5. Sex with a stranger (12 per cent)
  6. Roleplay (12 per cent)

Men’s top sexual desires:

  1. Mutual oral sex [69ing] (24 per cent)
  2. Having a threesome (24 per cent)
  3. Sex outside (23 per cent)
  4. Sex with a stranger (21 per cent)
  5. Lingerie (18 per cent)


The kink capital of the UK is Cardiff, with 85 per cent of people admitting to trying at least one fantasy. This was closely followed by Birmingham (83 per cent) and Liverpool (78 per cent).

More reserved cities include London, where 34 per cent of people have never tried to act out a sexual fantasy, followed by Brighton (32 per cent) and Edinburgh (31 per cent).

People in a relationship are the most sexually adventurous, with 80 per cent of couples having tried at least one of their sexual fantasies. Singletons were only a little behind at 70 per cent.

But why wouldn’t people give one of their fantasies a try?

We simply need to open up and communicate what we want, Ditte Jensen, a sexual wellness expert at Sinful explained.

Jensen said: “Fear of rejection and embarrassment can often be the reason a lot of us stay silent about our deepest sexual desires.

“Being vulnerable in front of your partner can be an uncomfortable feeling, especially if you haven’t spoken about sex much before.

"However, honest and open communication can allow you to access avenues in your sex life that you may never have considered open before.

“A more intimate approach to discussing sexual fantasies and needs can improve both your sex life and your relationship overall, so we encourage you to open up to your partner about anything new you’d like to try!”

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.

Please log in or register to upvote this article
The Conversation (0)