Um, someone has written an erotic novel about Donald Trump and a bell boy and we don't know what to say

Class, get out your books. No, no, not Great Expectations. Today we're studying a much greater literary achievement: "Trump Temptations: The Billionaire & The Bell Boy."

Yes, that's right, that is now, in the words of its author Elijah Daniel "a real thing that is happening".

Daniel originally tweeted just two days ago that he intended to write an erotic novel about Donald Trump whilst drunk, and gave his followers a choice in the plot.

Amazingly, Daniel claims to have finished the novel in just a day. He has already made it available to buy on Amazon, and it is now the number one best-selling erotic novel on the store.

Although we advise you to go buy it yourself, we thought we'd share some of our favourite quotes to get you going.

There he was, handsome as ever, like a giant melting fat carrot with fake hair

The only thing I knew was that I wanted to ride the elevator to the top of his Trump Tower

My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity

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