15 things you should never ever do in a relationship

The course of true love never did run smooth. But it's guaranteed to get bumpy if you're a regular practitioner of any of these dating no nos:

1. Don't pull their hair on the first date

2. Don't send follow up texts apologising for texting too much

3. Don't steal their pet

4. Don't do this

5. Don't say they were an ugly baby when you get shown the family photo album

6. Don't stare at them (all the time)

7. Don't propose on the Jeremy Kyle Show

8. Don't tell them the sex robot is better in bed than them

9. Don't accidentally call them the names of Game of Thrones characters

10. Don't use 'your mum' jokes when you're arguing

11. Don't lead a double life as a spy or criminal

12. Don't throw a surprise wedding

13. Don't throw a surprise divorce

14. Don't wash them while they're asleep

15. Don't let the internet name your kids

It's all so simple! Why aren't you married yet?

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