Harry Styles reflects on losing Liam Payne: 'I really struggled'

Harry Styles has opened up about the profound difficulty of discussing the death of his former One Direction bandmate, Liam Payne, as he prepares to release his fourth studio album, Kiss All The Time, Disco, Occasionally. The new record, due out on Friday, is said to be inspired by moments when artists had to "discover themselves" and embrace vulnerability.

"Full transparency, it’s like something that I, even the idea of talking about it, I struggle with that a little bit even," Styles told Apple Music’s Zane Lowe. He reflected on the period following Payne's passing, admitting he "really struggled with kind of like acknowledging how strange it is to have people kind of like own part of your grief in a way."

Styles elaborated on the personal nature of his sorrow: "I have such strong feelings around my friend passing away, and then suddenly being, you know, like aware of there’s maybe like a desire from other people of you to convey that in some way, or it means you’re not feeling what you’re feeling or something, you know?"

He described the profound impact of the loss: "It’s so difficult to lose a friend. It’s difficult to lose any friend, but it’s so difficult to lose a friend who is so like you in so many ways. It’s like, I saw someone with the kindest heart who just wanted to be great." The tragedy prompted introspection for the singer. "It was a really important moment for me in terms of taking a look at my life and being able to say to myself, ‘OK, what do I want to do with my life? How do I want to live my life?’" he explained. "And I think the greatest way you can honour your friends who pass away is by living your life to the fullest. Like super special person and really sad."

Harry Styles reflects on losing Liam Payne: 'I really struggled' www.indy100.com

Payne died at the age of 31 in October 2024, following a fall from a hotel balcony in Argentina. His funeral in November saw the surviving members of One Direction – Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, and Zayn Malik – reunite alongside their former manager, Simon Cowell.

Styles also revealed that the gap between his upcoming album and his previous record, 'Harry’s House' (2022), provided an opportunity for significant self-reflection, particularly as he turned 30. He shared a personal commitment regarding his career: "I’ve always had the conversation with myself about if I ever checked in with myself and was like, ‘I don’t love it, it’s not fun anymore’, then I kind of just made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do it."

Styles believes it would be unfair to both himself and his fanbase to continue performing without genuine passion. "I don’t think it’s fair in a lot of ways, I don’t think it’s fair to me, I really don’t think it’s fair to the fans for me to not do it, (not) really be there anymore, but doing it because it’s just what I’ve always done," he stated. He acknowledged the internal struggle of even considering such a thought: "And I think what has been interesting is kind of allowing myself to even have that thought process. I think for a long time even having that conversation with myself, I thought like, ‘oh you’re so ungrateful like how can you ever think about deciding not to do it’, and stuff like that."

The full interview with Harry Styles is available on Apple Music’s The Zane Lowe Show.