Celebrities
Liam O'Dell
Aug 03, 2022
Uri Geller
We all must cower before the spoon-bending illusionist that is Uri Geller, because history has told us he is a powerful force to be reckoned with and when he says he will do something, it will actually happen.
And so, when the illusionist shared a letter on Twitter on Tuesday in which he issued a “serious warning” to Russian president Vladimir Putin, we can only imagine that the head of state is quivering in fear inside the Kremlin right about now.
Geller, who owns Lamb Island in Scotland, wrote: “There are rumours that you are seriously considering the strategic use of a nuclear strike against your ‘enemies in the west’. I have also heard that your prospective targets include UK naval bases – in particular those on the western coast of Scotland.
“If you resort to the use of nuclear weapons and decide to target Scotland – or any other country else in the world – your plans, and your missiles, will backfire on you!
“I will use every last molecule of my Mind Power to prevent you from launching a nuclear attack!”
We’re pretty sure we just wet ourselves in fear. This stuff is terrifying.
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After all, back in March 2019, he warned then-prime minister Theresa May that he would telepathically stop Brexit if the Conservative MP refused to do so.
He said: “I love you very much but I will not allow you to lead Britain into Brexit. As much as I admire you, I will stop you telepathically from doing this – and believe me I am capable of executing it.
“Before I take this drastic course of action, I appeal to you to stop the process immediately while you still have a chance.”
And he definitely did stop the UK from leaving the European Union – as Theresa May later stepped down as PM only to be replaced by a man who secured a significant majority to get a Brexit deal through the House of Commons.
We then left the bloc on 31 January 2020.
\u201cTwice per day at 11:11, I am meditating on a second referendum, a FAIR referendum, with a clear explanation of what is actually being voted for. Join me, I believe a second referendum is the most positive solution to the #brexit crisis. https://t.co/yZ4zA4lX0B\u201d— Uri Geller (@Uri Geller) 1553858466
Good job, Uri!
Although to be fair to him, he did also promise that he would use the power of his mind to make sure “Jeremy Corbyn never gets the keys to Number 10 Downing Street”, and that didn’t happen – we’re being serious this time.
Although we’d argue that that happened as a result of some good ol’ fashioned British democracy, and bending the minds of the entire UK electorate seems a little bit of a stretch for Geller.
But hey, it isn’t just preventing Mr Corbyn from becoming PM which the entertainer has to his name, as he told ITV’s Lorraine Kelly last year he was “going to unleash [his] powers” to ensure Scotland won their match against England in the Euro 2020 contest.
A tweet confirming his intentions, posted in June 2021, saw Geller write that he was “summoning up the spirit of Robert the Bruce … to amplify my powers”.
\u201cI am ready for Friday! Celebrations on my Lamb Island \ud83c\udfdd I am summoning up the spirit of Robert The Bruce (who\u2019s spoon I have on my Cadillac) to amplify my powers! I asked a local jaffa Scottish school who visited my museum just a few days ago to find me a kilt! \ud83c\udff4\udb40\udc67\udb40\udc62\udb40\udc73\udb40\udc63\udb40\udc74\udb40\udc7f \ud83c\uddee\ud83c\uddf1\u201d— Uri Geller (@Uri Geller) 1623878523
And miraculously, Geller’s mind powers did ... absolutely nothing.
We are awestruck. Absolutely awestruck.
Instead, the football match between the two sides the next day actually ended in a goalless draw…
Oops.
For the sake of peace in Europe, we’ll pray that Geller’s mind powers will prevent a nuclear holocaust, but forgive us for not being entirely convinced…
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