Have you ever wondered where all your problems stem from?
One person has saved herself about a bazillion pounds of therapy money and self-diagnosed the root cause of all her issues: hyperlexia.
"Helen of Troy" tweeted about the difficult plight of her syndrome, which according to Wikipedia is "characterised by a child's precocious ability to read".
That's right, "Helen" reckons that:
The fact that I learned how to read before my third birthday and that's set me up for a lifetime of being broadly incomprehensible.
And she continues:
obv I'm in my thirties now and people still rib me a lot for using words they have to look up [sic]
Apparently, her intention was to raise awareness and "help people feel seen", because the life of an adult who learnt to read early is TOUGH GUYS OK.
So tough in fact, that while "Helen" was doing the lord's work which apparently "its own reward", she would also quite like it if you would... buy her a mattress.
Yes, you read that right. Her tweets went viral for their completely bananas vibe, and she decided to use her new-found platform to crowdfund.
Crowdfund. For. A. Mattress.
Because hyperlexia. OK.
"Helen" didn't stop there, she continued the thread to confirm to everyone that she wasn't "bragging" about being a super smart kid.
The explanation of why her comments weren't actually showing off went on for 14 tweets so we'll spare you the whole thread, but the jist is that her brain is like a desktop "cluttered to the brim with files and shortcuts!" while us normies who learnt to read in school are more like "just a handful of icons".
To our dismay, there are many many many people who are hard relating with "Helen" though, so perhaps there is something in it? At the time of writing, seven people have donated to her mattress fund today alone, which is... curious.
Those of us whose reading abilities aged three were sub-par will just have to buy our own. Sigh.