Coronavirus may be sweeping the globe but there’s an entertainment pandemic spreading like wildfire too; Netlflix’s latest mutant creation, Love Is Blind.
For those who haven’t watched the show yet, it’s basically a mash-up of Married at First Sight, Love Island, 90 Day Fiance and The Bachelor.
Couples date “blindly”, get engaged within days without seeing each other IRL and then have to spend several weeks getting to know each other before they decide whether to get married a lot.
Unsurprisingly, most of the participants appear to be drunk 99 per cent of the time.
After nine previous weekly instalments, the 10th and final episode of Love Is Blind dropped today.
We finally get to find out which of the five couples actually make it out of the registry office (it ain’t over til that book is signed!).
There’s a LOT of unanswered questions. And thankfully, we’ve also been promised a reunion show so whatever happens in this episode, we’ve still got some more deliciously messy reality TV to enjoy.
But for now, here’s five burning things we need to know after today’s finale.
1. Who gets hitched?
Come on. It’s the big one! The daddy question! Who is actually going to go through with getting married to someone they’ve known for less time than it takes a full menstrual cycle to complete? At the moment, the money’s on Lauren Speed and Cameron Hamilton (aka the influencer and the scientist) to actually tie the knot, along with Amber and Barnett. Oh and that other couple, with the K names.
But things aren’t looking as rosy for Giannina 'Gigi' Gibelli and Damian Powers, who have had almost daily bust-ups, mostly incited by Gigi who appears to be on a different show to everyone else (maybe Days of Our Lives?), but is unquestionably a dramatic queen. Ditto the pairing of Mark and Jessica, for reasons mostly pertaining to the fact Jessica doesn’t want to be there. At all.
Maybe this photo of the couples at the 5 March reunion might provide a few clues...
2. Which bride falls on her ass?
For weeks, Love is Blind has been trailing a shot of a bride taking wee tumble while apparently racing away from a wedding.
Basically she falls on her ass.
Fans have been speculating who it could be from the start, thanks to extensive detective work on the part of people with way too much time on their hands.
At the moment, consensus seems to think it’s Gigi, mostly due to clues provided by her dress, hairstyle and tendency to be melodramatic at every given moment.
But who is it? The world waits.
2. Will anyone remember Kenny and Kelly?
Kenny and Kelly: very sweet, very forgettable.
3. Will Jessica finally tell Mark she hates him?
Let’s be real: Jessica hates Mark. She hates him. She might not even be aware how much she hates him.
Originally, Jessica wanted Barnett, who sort of hinted he’d propose and then didn’t. She then went back to Mark and was viscerally disappointed by his age, appearance and height.
Since then, Jessica has struggled to pretend she isn’t physically repulsed by him, including refusing any physical relationship with him for an extensive period which would be completely fine, except she also got wine drunk one night (shock!) and slurred TO MARK’S FACE that she thought Barnett was “so f*cking sexy and hot”.
She’s also repeatedly cited their 10-year age gap to anyone who’ll listen, including Mark's affable parents, to try and get out of it.
Sadly for her no one else has actually given a fig or – worse – has been visibly pleased by it.
Then there’s her attempts to try and meddle in Barnett and Amber’s relationship every time she’s drunk (which is a lot; why is everyone always pished on this show?) by unsubtly asking if he’s really “intellectually” happy with his match, as opposed to just “sexually” (Barnett says he’s fine, for the record).
Fans have also noticed that Jessica may not even be speaking in her "real" voice around Mark.
So: odds on this couple are not whether they get married but instead, whether Jessica finally owns up and tells Mark that – through no fault of his own – she feels sick when she looks at him. Love!
5. Can dogs drink wine?