May is National Masturbation Month! Don't worry if you forgot to get someone a card...
But before you celebrate in the privacy of your own home, have you ever considered perhaps indulging in planet Earth's favourite pass time... At work?
Mark Sergeant, psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University, told Metrothat a 'masturbation break' would be "very effective" at work and a great way to relieve tension and stress.
This was echoed by psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall:
Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.
He suggested that a masturbation policy might result in "more focus, less aggression, higher productivity and more smiling".
Yes, (ladies and) gentlemen, masturbation breaks at work are now officially endorsed by science.
However, Dr Arnall does point out the potential, ahem, shortcomings in this plan, suggesting that failure to achieve orgasm quickly could result in increased frustration and excessive break lengths.
He also suggests that one should not fantasise about colleagues as this might result in "cognitive impairment" - or just inappropriate workplace conduct?
The root of this sudden interest in office stimulation appears to be a Time Out New York survey, which reported at the end of 2015 that 39 per cent of male readers admitted to masturbating in the office.
(However, it provided no actual quantitative data to back this up, citing mostly anecdotal evidence.)