Donald Trump is back. Well, he never went away but he is now acquitted and free of all that impeachment stuff which must have been a real drag for him.

Now that he is completely and 100 per cent innocent of committing any sort of crime Trump gave an impassioned and rousing speech to his loyal followers at the White House.

The Gettysburg Address... it was not.

Before Trump even got out there his impeachment defence team, including Alan Dershowitz, got a standing ovation from the administration.

Then Trump started talking and immediately went back to the tired old 'witch hunt' rhetoric.

Next up was his old friend Barack Obama.

Then came the props.

Things really started to get surreal when the president of the United States of America actually said the words 'bulls**t' during a speech at the White House.

He then claimed that Adam Schiff was 'a failed screenwriter' because he 'made up my statement to the Ukrainian president.'

Speaking of the impeachment, he made a thinly veiled jab at Mitt Romney, who was the only Republican who voted to convict the president.

He then claimed that Nancy Pelosi doesn't 'pray at all.'

Perhaps the most eye-opening statement of the entire speech was a suggestion that his daughter Ivanka was a good example of how not to be corrupt. Honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up.

Trump appeared to accidentally throw shade on senator Marth McSally whose polling figures are 'very good.'

The president then said that his 'worst day' was when the Access Hollywood tapes where he bragged about groping women were released. Yeah, you and everyone else Donald.

If that was his worst day he probably shouldn't have made crude comments about Peter Strzok and Lisa Page the so-called 'FBI Lovebirds.'

James Comey, the former director of the FBI who Trump fired in May 2017, was then called a 'sleazebag.'

Still on the FBI, who were called 'scum.' Charming stuff.

Mitt Romney, who 'ran one of the worst campaigns in history' was then mentioned again.

Trump then concluded by apologising to her family, which was kind of a nice note to end on.

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