TikTok's lesbian bar drama explained

If you've been on TikTok this week you have likely seen ongoing discourse featuring a straight woman, a lesbian, and a lesbian bar. But if you're confused on what's been going on, let us catch you up.

The story begins on January 21, when creator Lexi Stout posted a video detailing her experience as a straight woman in a lesbian bar on a recent night out. She told viewers that although she regularly "goes to a gay male bar," this was her first time visiting a lesbian bar. She adds that she attended at the invitation of a lesbian friend. The video thumbnail also clarified the bar was New York City's Cubbyhole Bar, a lesbian staple since 1994.

Whilst Stout was at the bar, she said everything was great until one of her straight male friends came to say hello "for quite literally two minutes."

Her recount claims a woman at the bar then approached her male friend asking him why he was in the lesbian bar. In Stout's words, "basically saying that my friend didn't belong there."

“She was not having it. She did not want him in that bar at all, and I get it,” Stout continued. “But, like, there’s no rules against that… But I was just curious. Are straight males not allowed to go to a lesbian bar?”

Unsurprisingly, people didn't hesitate to point out to Stout that, no, straight men aren't welcome in lesbian bars, and neither is a straight woman who centres straight men's feelings over lesbian safety.

One viewer commented: "If you're a straight woman coming to a lesbian bar, this isn't your space to determine what is okay and what's not okay in our space. Period."

"This is a really obtuse take, I think you should do some introspection on your allyship and feelings of entitlement and ownership over queer space," another comment read.

Some viewers also pointed out at that the Cubbyhole specifically is a very small space intended to be safe for queer people.

“Politics of straight people being in queer spaces at all aside, you can’t see why it would be a problem in a space as small as Cubbyhole for you two to be occupying what is otherwise space for queer women?” one TikToker pointed out.

A development took place on February 3, when the mentioned lesbian in Stout's video found the TikTok and made a response, adding some additional context.

The woman, Katie, said she actually encountered Stout's straight male friend in the line for the bathroom.

Katie tapped him on the shoulder to let him know he was in the way, noticing he seemed "a little bit grumpy" and asked him, "Okay, dude. Are you even here with anyone? What are you doing at this bar?"

After the group confirmed he was with them, the man then reproached Katie saying, "Well, if I wasn't here with someone, would that be a problem?"

To which she replied that it absolutely would be a problem. Katie then said Stout and other girls "all [jumped] at me, like, 'What? Why would you say that? That's so messed up.'"

“I want literally nothing to do with straight people, which is why I’m in Cubbyhole in the first place,” Katie continued. “I have seen a lot of cis, straight guys come into this bar and cause problems. It’s a known thing… There are straight dudes that come into these bars specifically ’cause they’re trying to pick up girls. So I wasn’t trying to instigate anything. I was just trying to safety check.”

After stepping outside, Katie then said she saw Stout.

“The girl who posted the TikTok looked up at me and goes, ‘Oh, look. There’s that B- word again,’” she added. “They seem like they’re trying to start a fight with me.”

“It was a little scary because that situation could’ve gone a million different ways… I have been in similar situations where, candidly, something really bad did happen.”

Many people, queer or not, agreed with Katie, pointing out how important safety is in queer spaces.

Later on, in a 'get ready with me' TikTok, Stout said “I didn’t mean any ill will by it, and the lesbians of TikTok are coming for me, and I’m sorry for that."

But she still managed to try and negate blame adding: “I really just had a genuine question, and I didn’t know I was gonna get yelled at, bombarded, screamed at,” Stout said. “There’s lots of mean things going on in those comments.”

But ultimately, Stout concluded: “I have learned my lesson, and I will never be returning to a lesbian bar ever again, for good reason.” Adding, “It’s plain and simple: It’s not a space for me.”

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