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Taking care of someone after they’ve had one too many on a night out is an admirable thing to do, but certain lines have to be drawn.
And a note purportedly left by a concerned bouncer to a worse-for-wear bargoer has overwhelmingly crossed such lines of acceptable behaviour, according to hundreds of Reddit users.
The printed message, headlined “DON’T PANIC,” was apparently set aside for the punter to explain why they’d woken up in a stranger’s house with no clothes on.
It reads like an eerie FAQ, attempting to answer any questions the person may have after finding themselves in an unknown bed, in an unknown house.
“Where am I?,” it begins, followed by the answer: “In the spare bedroom of the bouncer you were talking to last night. You weren’t in a state to be left alone, wouldn’t/couldn’t get in a taxi, and none of your friends were answering the phone.”
Next it explains where the person’s phone, “tightfitting jewelry” and “clothing [they] threw up on” had been placed – the latter being “in the washing machine/tumble dryer”, with a footnote adding: “There’s [sic] some oversized hoodies in the drawers.”
The final section asks: “What now?” accompanied by the response: “Whatever you like.”
It goes on to suggest they could “sneak out without a word” or “stay in bed”.
“There’s clean towels on the bannister, possibly food in the fridge, a sticker with the WiFi password on it somewhere in the living room, Netflix on the TV and the dog loves to be played with,” it ends.
A photo of the makeshift morning-after manual has left Redditors stunned, racking up more than 84,500 upvotes and 3,700 comments in just one day after it was shared in the channel ‘MadeMeSmile’.
“If you wake up to that you know you’re doomed,” one horrified reader wrote.
“Considering the font, design layout, and how specific the content of the message, it seems he’s a pro at bringing people home. I’d panic!” said another.
“Wouldn’t get in a taxi... but ‘agreed’ to come to my house...? I have more than a few questions about this,” remarked a third.
While a fourth said it was “almost like the beginning of a serial killer film or something,” adding: “The person tries to leave the house only to find they are locked in and can’t escape."
Others were more willing to give the bouncer the benefit of the doubt, with one saying they “worried a little legally” for them.
“The problem is this is a much nicer way to wake up [than] the drunk tank where the cops legally kidnap you,” they added.
Another user responded: “Yeah I was a bouncer for like 10 years and had to help plenty of people in that state, but never would I f***ing ever bring that liability into my home or life.
“You try to get them in a cab but they’ve been over-served and they’re too sloppy to even give their address. This was before ride-sharing too so the cabbies were your only hope.
“If no friends could be reached with their phone and they couldn’t tell a cab where to take them we usually just had our liaison patrol officers take them to the drunk tank, which fully sucks but also is way safer than bringing a stranger into your home and writing a cute note.”
(“Drunk tank” refers to what’s more formally known as sobering cell. It’s where a person who’s thought to be acutely intoxicated will be held by police from a few hours up to a couple of days, according to The Hill.)
Others praised the bouncer for “taking the time” to make the note, insisting this make them a “really good person, not a creep”.
Meanwhile, others suggested the whole thing was fake, with one writing: “I would love to have the faith in humanity to believe this is real, but I just… don’t.”
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