Mum lets daughter’s ex continue to live with them – and it’s sparked a major online debate

Harriet Brewis
Monday 26 April 2021 15:06
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The daughter’s new boyfriend has been complaining about the situation

(Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A mother has opened up an impassioned debate on social media after revealing that her daughter’s ex-boyfriend has continued to live at their home long after the pair broke up.

In a lengthy post, the Reddit user explained that her eldest daughter Taylor, 17, now has a new boyfriend who is not happy that her ex, Rob, 19, is still living alongside the family almost half a year since the split.

The mum explained that she and her husband had invited Rob to move into an annex at their house after his parents divorced and his mother began suffering from mental health issues.

“His two younger siblings went to live with grandparents but they did not have room for Rob so he was going to go to live with his dad,” she said.

However, the father had moved to the other side of the country and Rob was “devastated to leave his hometown, Taylor, and his friends.”

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“Taylor and Rob asked us if Rob could move into our in-law apartment,” she continued.

“We spoke with Taylor privately and asked if Rob was pressuring her into allowing him to move in and she said no it was her idea.

“We also told her to think really hard about it because once we agreed to take him in, we would be responsible for him and that would mean he would be staying as long as he needed. She thought about it for a few days and then said it would be okay no matter what.

“She is usually a level-headed kid so we thought we had made the consequences of this decision clear. We thought it over for a bit and after setting some ground rules agreed to allow him to live in the apartment.”

The mother clarified that the apartment is a “fully separate unit with its own utilities and kitchen, bathroom,” however, it does have access to the main part of the house.

(r/AmItheAsshole/Reddit)

“Rob was always welcome to have meals with us and we treated him like another member of our family,” she said.

But, five months ago, the two teens split up and Taylor began dating Joe, 18, “almost immediately.”

“Since the breakup, Rob usually stays in his place and only occasionally comes over to help my husband with various household chores,” the mum said.

“A week ago Taylor came to us and told us that Rob’s presence is making Joe uncomfortable and that we need to ask him to leave.

“We said no to kicking him out but we said we would set up some new rules that would make everyone more comfortable. We said that from now on Rob would use the living space in the apartment and would have to call before coming over.

“Taylor said Joe is still unhappy about this and the only thing that will make him happy is for Rob to be gone.”

The mother ended the post by asking if she had been an “a**hole” by telling Taylor that the issue was between “her and her boyfriend” and that the solution wasn’t to “toss someone out on the street.”

She added that the 17-year-old “got even more upset with me and said I was ruining her senior year and she might end up dateless for prom if Joe breaks up with her”.

(r/AmItheAsshole/Reddit)

The post racked up more than 11,900 upvotes and 1,000 comments within 11 hours of being posted.

Fellow Redditors were quick to insist that Rob shouldn’t have to “pay” for Taylor’s “britishness”, while some argued that the mother should not have burdened her young daughter with such an important decision in the first place.

Addressing the mum, one user wrote: “You’re kind of the only support system he has right now.

“He’s abiding by the family rules but now that your daughter is being a brat, he has to pay for it. I get he’s 19 and technically an adult but I can’t imagine being that age and realizing I have no stability or consistent support.”

Another argued: “So you asked Taylor to ‘think really hard about it’ when she was 15 years old -- because she was a ‘’level-headed kid’ and you ‘made the consequences of this decision clear’.

“Putting this responsibility on a 15 year old is ridiculous, even if she displayed jungkookian levels of maturity and foresight.”

However, others sprung to her defence, with one writing: “I would like to say I think you handled this very rationally and thoroughly, despite what the other person is arguing with you in this thread.

“Thank you for helping a young kid in need when he needed it as well as sticking by him when it caused a conflict with your daughter. The world would be a better place if there were more people like you.”

Another expressed concern over the new boyfriend’s conduct and its implications for his relationship with Taylor.

Redditors were divided over the issue

(Getty Images/iStockphoto)

“Just curious if you have talked to/asked Taylor about Joe making this demand of her (and of you and your husband which I find rather bold in a lot of ways tbh)?

“Obviously it could just be teen insecurity, or it could be some controlling behaviour.

“You didn’t mention any friction between Rob and your daughter after their break-up, before Joe came along, so I’m only guessing there wasn’t any of significance.”

They continued: “If Joe actually broke up with your daughter (ruining prom/her senior year) because you will not toss someone out into the street for absolutely no reason, after what sounds like 3 and a half years of no issues mentioned, honestly Joe is a pretty heartless sounding guy and I would consider it bullet dodged for her.

“While Rob is just living his life, going to school, sounding responsible and respectful of all requests made of him, and getting a really nice head start in life thanks to you and not interfering in Taylor’s life in any way, it would be awful for his life to be turned upside down because Joe is ‘uncomfortable’”.

They added that the mother was not “the a**hole” and stressed: “What your family did was very kind, and continues to be so.”

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