A woman fears she has ruined her brother’s engagement after mentioning that he has four children from previous relationships in front of his fiancée.
His fiancée didn’t know about the children, despite the couple being together for three years.
Her brother is now angry with her as he claims it "should've been his choice to tell her about the kids", and their parents have sided with him.
Posting to the Am I The A**hole subreddit, the 22-year-old woman explained that she has lived with her 28-year-old brother, Jamie, since she was 17.
In that time, she said she witnessed behaviour she disapproved of, such as Jamie having different women over even if he was in a relationship with someone else. However, she turned a “blind eye” to it because “it’s his life and he’s free to mess it up as much as he wants”.
Now aged 28, he has four children.
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His oldest daughter is 10, and she is the only one “he actually pays any child support” towards - despite rarely seeing her.
He also has twin boys, aged four, with a close friend. The mother of the boys didn’t take him to court, so the Redditor says she tries to help out where she can.
He also has a son, who the Redditor doesn’t know much about, but she guesses he would be aged around eight.
She said he is adamant that he “doesn’t want kids” and only sees them a few times a year, but doesn’t see the eight-year-old at all.
“He calls the ones he has ‘accidents’ and has said before that he wishes he hadn't had them because he gets irritated when their mothers call him,” she said.
Three years ago, Jamie met a woman named Natalie and they immediately hit it off.
She moved in with the siblings, and it wasn’t long until Natalie was joking about renovating the Redditor’s room to instead be a nursery.
He proposed to Natlaie a few weeks ago and they were very happy until Jamie’s secret was revealed.
A few night ago the three were drinking and talking. Natalie was “gushing” about her wedding plans, and mentioned how she wanted kids as soon as possible, remarking that Jamie would be a great father.
The Redditor laughed at this, and said: "He hasn't been the best dad to the four he has now."
Natalie asked what she meant, while her brother started to "freak out".
She explained: “I realized she didn't know and explained how he wasn't raising his kids and how he didn't even want to see them and didn't want kids at all. Apparently, he hadn't told her about any of this.
“My brother was drunk and started yelling so I called a friend and left. I stayed away a day or two and he blew up my phone. I guess he and Natalie are fighting horribly and he blamed me for it.
“I ruined his engagement and I'm an [a**hole] for telling her as it ‘should've been his choice to tell her about the kids’. Our parents agree with him and haven't been talking to me.”
She concluded the post by saying she feels as though she warned Natalie before “things got too serious, even if it wasn’t deliberate”, and stated that she thinks her brother should have told her about the children before now.
The top comment, with 24,500 upvotes, read: “It’s been 3 years! If he hasn’t told her by now, then he did not plan on telling her. He’s withholding a huge piece of information from her by not telling her he has 4 kids.”
Another commenter pointed out that it’s ironic how Jamie felt it was his choice to tell her about his kids, yet sees nothing wrong with Natalie not having a choice to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care for his four kids.
They asked: “Why does he get to have a choice, but she doesn't get the choice to make an informed decision?”
“You just did Natalie a favour. She should run as fast as she can,” another said.
Others said he was “dumb” and suggested he have a vasectomy.
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