I was shipped a dick and it triggered a security incident at work

At approximately 8.30am I received a 3ft cardboard phallus in the post.

It turned out to be from Ship A Dick, the latest start-up in the burgeoning 'ship your enemies absurd/cumbersome things' industry.

I was a little disappointed - it was just white cardboard with no detail - but I appreciated the fact that a press office had paid cash money to ship it all the way from Portland, Oregon to London all the same.

So, I just put it next to my my desk. But my desk happens to be next to a window overlooking the main atrium of our building.

Around 15 minutes later a nice man from security was dispatched to my desk and asked me to remove it. I obliged.

But why can’t a man just display a cardboard penis? Especially in a world where dick pics are officially the first round of courting, collated by the NSA and the subject of think pieces?

This is Cameron's Britain and I want no part of it.

Update

This isn't over...

More: [Edward Snowden with his most chilling warning on surveillance yet]4