Questions are a big part of relationships... from "Will you go out with me?" to "Why do you snore so loudly?", "Will you marry me?" to "Why do you think I'm angry?".
According to psychotherapist Ken Page, there are two questions, more important than all the others, that we should be asking ourselves. And they are:
1. Which interactions in this relationship inspire me most?
2. Which interactions in this relationship hurt me the most?
The reason for these two questions, he writes for Your Tango, is that where we get most hurt and inspired indicates what we care about the most.
He advises we become familiar with the answers.
We all want to be loved, listened to, and validated — those are universal needs. However, the parts of ourselves that feel most vulnerable, where it feels most urgent that we are understood and appreciated, are the parts that need our greatest care and respect.
Then, when you’ve answered the questions, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to imagine what their answers would be.
Note the themes that emerge again and again. The more you understand and appreciate these precious parts of your loved one, the more he or she will feel loved and valued by you, and the more joy and connection will be possible in your relationship.