That’s what one woman did in what she described as a “new twist on an American classic”, much to the bewilderment, repulsion and fascination of viewers.
Yet, while her video was a hit on the platform – racking up more than one million views and 27,500 likes – it was soon dwarfed by a follow-up clip.
In it, the user @wesleysille attempts to sooth us, the audience, as we watch the culinary horror show unfold.
He begins his running commentary: “OK, it’s a burger, don’t look at it, look at me. Maintain eye contact and we’ll get through this together.”
He continues: “Don’t pay attention to anything she’s squirting in there right now,” as the woman – TikToker Cariebell – dollops ketchup and mustard on top of the water-logged bun.
While she hits go on the Ninja blender, he goes on: “Just imagine… anything else.”
Then, as she stuffs the liquified meal with fries, he tells the viewer : “You’re at a McDonald’s and you order a burger and they give you a burger and you eat it and you enjoy it.”
Just as he finishes that last point, she can be seen pouring water into the soggy mess.
“Fast food, what a miracle,” his monologue continues: “Cave men back then they had to hunt and pillage and forage…”
But as he utters this last point he starts to look green around the gills – Carriebell is now scooping out the gloop with her hand and squeezing it down a pair of tights like some sort of nightmare sausage.
He continues to look as though he’s fighting the urge to vomit as she tells viewers to chill the so-called dish overnight.
Finally – in a moment that seems too much for him to bear – she releases the beige log from its 15-denier cage.
She then cuts it into thick slices, as her friends around her coo: “Wow, that looks so good.”
Wesleysille’s step-by-step walkthrough garnered more than 2.1 million likes and 500,000 likes on TikTok alone, and even made the transition onto Reddit.
Scores of fellow TikTokers thanked him for helping them to “get through this.”
While one wrote: “You know those movie scenes where they try to distract the child from someone dying? This is how this feels.”
However, another said that even his best efforts weren’t enough to distract her: “My peripheral vision is too good and I am left scarred,” she wrote.
A second admitted: “I’m sorry I failed,” to which an understanding Wesleysille replied: “It’s okay, me too.”
All we know is, if someone comes near us with a burger and a blender, we will be running a mile.