She began by describing her future mother-in-law as “intrusive but nice overall”. However, she admitted that wedding planning had been an “absolute nightmare” owing to the older woman’s unwillingness to agree on most things.
“My fiancé said that since he's her only son then I should respect and appreciate this ‘vision’ she has for the wedding and how it should be,” the Redditor explained.
“She insisted to come along for wedding dress shopping. I took her with me and my mom and friends. I was so lucky to have found what I was looking for but she picked a dress that she liked so much and said that ‘she always pictured her son's bride in it’.
“[My] mom and friends thought this line was creepy. I thought the dress was somewhat creepy and toooootally not my type. I apologized and thanked her for her ‘vision’ but told her that I'd already decided on a dress that I had ‘envisioned’ myself wearing at my wedding!”
The bride said she and her mother-in-law had very different tastes when it came to the all-important dressiStock
The mother-in-law didn’t take kindly to the rejection and complained about it to her son, our narrator said.
“He came home in the evening ranting about how I made his mom upset and ‘turned down’ her help in choosing the wedding dress,” she continued.
“He said that I should consider the dress his mom wanted me to buy especially knowing that ‘both dresses weren't that much different anyway’ like she said but I told him yes they were different...like so much different.”
The Redditor said that they eventually dropped the argument, but then he threw a major curveball.
“Yesterday I came home and found out that he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted,” she wrote.
“I called him and he was straightforward about what he did and why he did it. I lost it and started screaming at him. He asked me to calm down and really give this dress ‘a chance’.”
The 28-year-old said she was so furious she went to stay with one of her friends. Meanwhile, her partner kept calling and texting, chastising her for screaming at him, telling her she was “overreacting” and reminding her that it was “his wedding too”.
“He went on and on about how his mom has a ‘vision’ and good intentions and just wants what best for me as her future daughter inlaw,” she wrote.
Wrapping up her post, the original poster (OP) said her own mother was “livid” at the situation, but her dad told her it wasn’t worth “ruining [her] relationship with [her] inlaws over.”
She concluded: “He suggested I wisen up and ‘go with the flow’ but is it too much for me to be able to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted about it just to keep the peace?”
Thousands of commentators on the AITA forum were quick to reassure her that her reaction was totally justified, with many encouraging her to call off the wedding.
“To your mother-in-law you are not a person. You are an accessory that attaches to her sons arm,” one wrote. “If your fiancé isn’t willing to stand up for you and himself, you will have to get used to having her run your lives from here on out.”
“This dynamic isn't something that's going to go away with the wedding,” agreed another. “Even if you smooth over the current issue (or simply come to accept her choice) it will not be the end of this.”
Meanwhile, a third warned: “I guarantee you that your fiancé and potential [mother-in-law] will get all fussy if you end the relationship over ‘just a dress’ because they WILL NOT SEE that isn't about the dress at all, it's about your fiancé valuing his mother's priorities, desires, and opinions over yours.”
And a fourth urged the OP to hand her engagement ring back to her partner and say: "I hope you get the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for.” Then walk away.
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