Amid endless terrifying headlines about how much a threat coronavirus is and how we're all screwed because Trump refuses to accept this reality, there is the one burning question we were all waiting for: where is the rhyming slang?
Worry not though, cockneys have come through and found the answer to all our troubles: Miley Cyrus.
That's right folks, everyone's favourite problematic-meets-woke stoner with daddy issues (we mean this in the most affectionate way possible – 😍for Miley) is the new face of a global pandemic. What an accolade.
It all started when satirical site NewsBiscuit "reported" that an "annual summit of cockneys" (no, this is not a real thing) announced she had beaten "Egyptian Papyrus" to represent coronavirus in rhyming slang, which has been around since its inception in early 19th century East London.
Cockneys announce ‘Miley Cyrus’ as official rhyming slang for Coronavirus https://t.co/asAdHMuBIs #satire #comedy… https://t.co/RSQWc7xKQ3