Woman shares detailed guide on how to leave an abusive relationship

Sophia Ankel
Saturday 04 May 2019 13:30
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PICTURE:(iStock)

A woman has shared a detailed guide for how to get out of an abusive relationship on Facebook and it's going viral.

With 1 in 4 women affected by domestic abuse in their lifetime, a step-by-step guide to leaving a violent partner is unfortunately very necessary.

The guide is split up into different categories, including banking, phone, possessions, work, housing and how to tell family and friends.

Maddie first advises to slowly and discreetly distance yourself financially. She says:

Open a new bank account with a new bank, ensure that statements are online only and to a new email address that isn't linked to your phone. 

Pick up the card from the bank and hide it well. Amongst the abusers things is usually safe, as they won't go looking there.

Good areas to hide a bank card include under the soles of a shoe, in an unused board game or at work.

After this, she advises to start putting money in that account, but not anything that is noticeable. This includes birthday money, a small amount from your wage or anything you find lying around your house. She adds:

If you have debit/credit cards, report them stolen so the abuser can't access them once new numbers are provided. Finances to reply on are a must to ensure you don't break and run back to fake promises.

Next, Maddie says you must focus on buying a new phone, so that your partner cannot contact you. This usually would be a cheap phone, which you need to set up and hide somewhere, fully charged.

Then she advises starting sending valuable possessions to loved ones, work or storage. This includes things like jewellery, your passport or favourite pictures. She adds:

For any clothes you can't carry in a bag, but you want to keep. Do a 'clean out', say you are donating them and get them somewhere safe.

If you can, start selling things worth value that you don't need and will not be noticed as missing, put that money in your new account.

In terms of work, Maddie advises being as open as possible. She instructs victims to tell their boss what is happening so that they can be supportive and so that the abuser can't "sweet talk" information out of work colleagues.

The advice then moves on to family and friends, which Maddie says you might have already lost by this point. Either way, reaching out is very necessary, especially if kids are involved.

Finally, Maddie stresses the importance of finding accommodation in advance. She advises speaking to an agent in private to get some help with getting out of the contract. She also recommends moving in with family or friends or contacting a refuge if needs be.

Other pieces of advice include contacting the police to tell them exactly what you will do, planning your escape date and packing only the very necessary things.

Just before your escape, Maddie advises to "be nice" to the abuser, saying:

Be nice leading up to the event, plan the weekend, dinner etc. This will keep the abusers paranoia low, they will think they have you right where they want you.

Finally, upon leaving Maddie says you should have everything sorted:

By now you should have your money in your accounts and a new phone. 

Your kids and pets organised, your irreplaceable belongings should be safe elsewhere, and you should know exactly where you are headed once you close the door on this chapter in your life.

What's better, is that she also tells you what to do once you make it out, listing things such as changing all social passwords, blocking the abuser's number, changing your name on social media. She ends her guide by saying:

The abuser is the most dangerous when they realise they have lost control of their possession (you). Changing all of your social media setting and names is a must, as it is too easy to find anyone these days.

The abuser will try anything and everything, even suicide threats to get your attention. Do not fall for the games as the abuser is just craving any information on your whereabouts to feel like they are gaining some control back.

Finally, Maddie says that it is "vital" to break off all contact and avoid being lured back, adding:

You are worth more than that!

HT BoredPanda

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