
We should be grateful to Theresa May.
In announcing the end of her premiership, the prime minister finally managed to incentivise the majority of her cabinet to deliver an ounce of the stability she so often promised.
Because perhaps the only thing we can be certain of in this era of British politics defined by uncertainty, is that in a power vacuum, there will be no shortage of Tories looking to seize the reins for themselves.
While a momentary return to the simple backstabbings and power plays that dominated the headlines in pre-Brexit UK can almost feel like the good old days...
...it can be difficult to keep up with who's who.
Especially when the man largely considered the only candidate with enough "personality" is essentially a smile-and-wave pastiche of faux-British awkwardness, mumbled guffaws and a history of casually using 'racist' language and making discriminatory comments.
Luckily, Ash Sarkar has created a helpful roundup of the many Tory leadership hopefuls.
At the time of writing, at least eight candidates have put themselves forward, with many more undoubtedly considering it.
So let's start with... literally anyone.
Esther McVey: Brexiter, physically incapable of blinking, would 100% make Universal Credit faster if you gave up on… https://t.co/3ql5R2fus9— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558795186
Matt Hancock: absolute dweeb, thinks apps can cure cancer, only listens to Avicii. https://t.co/0oeYAKSLNR— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558795363
Jeremy Hunt: Remain-turned-No Dealer, always looks like he’s trying to hide a tadpole under his tongue. Foreign Sec… https://t.co/hnb28Bvq48— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558795513
Rory Stewart: So posh he pisses pennies. Remain, trying to present himself as a sensible, moderate Tory capable of… https://t.co/R9T8X0UgPW— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558795886
Sajid Javid: whenever a racist says they can’t be racist cos their best friend is Asian, they’re actually referring to him.— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558796305
Andrea Leadsom: I’m always surprised that she’s not wearing jodhpurs. Stuck the knife into Theresa May’s premiershi… https://t.co/PViYYOfopu— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558813334
Dominic Raab: Brexity angry man. Gets furious in IKEA. Crushes garlic by karate-chopping it. Didn’t know that Brita… https://t.co/kHB5NEH0b6— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558859351
Liz Truss: If Karen from Mean Girls licked a hallucinogenic toad and then read Milton Friedman. https://t.co/2nGy0QiSIk— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558814010
Michael Gove: HELLO IT ME [notorious expense cheat] MICHAEL GOVE. I’M SENSIBLE MODERATE BREXITEER WHO [stabbed bo… https://t.co/V6uALbbRTh— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558861453
Boris Johnson: twat. https://t.co/HlSXGSyUXZ— Ash Sarkar (@Ash Sarkar) 1558813636
The internet isn't short of opinions on the hopefuls.
@AyoCaesar With each passing Tory leader they genuinely achieve the impossible task of making the previous one seem passable. #boilingafrog— Mother of Spaniels (@Mother of Spaniels) 1558819552
@AyoCaesar A who’s who of absolute mediocrity.— myopinion (@myopinion) 1558797705
Breaking: numerous Tory MPs with one supporter each have declared leadership bids. It's like a mass 18th century du… https://t.co/nAuC1YgY5W— Paul Mason (@Paul Mason) 1558820633
Tory leadership contenders spot an undeclared backbencher https://t.co/GcwaVi3Z6T— Jamie Bartlett (@Jamie Bartlett) 1558861076
Others had their own guides to share.
@AyoCaesar https://t.co/mBl59MTihs— Ben Goren (@Ben Goren) 1558799240
@AyoCaesar https://t.co/fzl4oZVgqj— Jimbo (@Jimbo) 1558798195
While some just wanted to relate.
To get your Tory leadership candidate name, take: 1) Your middle name 2) The name of the first road you remember l… https://t.co/QorplM1omZ— John Bull (@John Bull) 1558712705
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