In news that almost no one expected to be reading today, Uri Geller has applied to be one of Dominic Cummings' weirdos in the government.
Last week, Boris Johnson's senior adviser shared a blog post which was a job advert hoping to recruit "assorted weirdos" for jobs in Downing Street.
Cummings is apparently seeking more diversity in civil service jobs but he couldn't have banked on the infamous spoon-bending-psychic submitting an application.
In a report by The Telegraph, a source close to Geller confirmed that the 73 year-old is keen on taking the job and in a cover letter list his impressive skill set which includes espionage and "genuine psychic powers."
This is what he sent to Cummings:
You say you want someone on the ‘frontiers of the science of prediction’? Well look no further.
I have genuine psychic powers - just ask Mossad, the CIA and the Pentagon.
My career as an entertainer has been the perfect mask for my work in espionage. While many have doubted my abilities, my achievements cannot be dismissed as trickery or illusions.
In my intelligence work I assisted with Operation Desert Storm, helped to locate secret tunnels in North Korea, and used my skills to erase crucial diplomatic discs on their way to Moscow.
I attended nuclear disarmament negotiations with Russia, bombarding their chief negotiator with positive thought waves so that the Soviet delegation would sign the Nuclear Arms Reduction Treaty.
Perhaps you could have used my abilities in your dealings with Michel Barnier.
On another occasion I helped to negotiate an amicable agreement between the Palestine Red Crescent and Israel’s Magen David Adom.
I founded The Uri Geller Charitable Foundation which helps sick and under privileged children and believe strongly in promoting peace across the world.
While I am not yet working for the Government, my work supporting Boris Johnson has already begun. I helped to influence December 12’s General Election result by giving Mr Johnson a spoon energised with mind positivity.
I am currently busy organising the opening of The Uri Geller Museum in Israel, but would consider a move back to Britain for the right position.
You can find an endorsement from the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu here: facebook.com/theurigeller/videos/417031675898382
Thank you for considering me.
Although Geller seems quite serious about his application it remains to be seen whether Cummings will actually entertain the idea of employing him.
Regardless, people have been left pretty baffled but kind of want to see what would happen if he did land the job.
We're gonna go out on a limb and say that Caroline Lucas probably had the best response.