hero user of the internet has rounded up all the weird sex laws in the world.
To all the world's kinky jetsetters, the imaginatively-named weirdsexlaws.com is now your designated travel guide.
Some laws are ancient and obsolete, some are largely unenforced, but all are quite hilarious.
Unsurprisingly, the United States has its own section in which most individual states feature.
Here are some very NSFW illegal acts from around the globe:
1. Standing by the window naked (Singapore)
In Singapore, if you appear nude in a private place that is "exposed to public view", you are guilty of committing a crime.
Similarly, in China, women are not allowed to walk around a hotel room naked - except in the bathroom.
Be especially cautious in hotel rooms with big windows.
2. Having sex with animals multiple times (Poland)
It turns out you can actually be shot in the head for having sex with an animal in Poland - but only if you do it three times.
3. Using spicy sauces (Peru)
Apparently, it was illegal for Peruvian prison inmates in the 1970s to use chili sauce and hot spices in their cooking.
The government was worried all the spice would have an aphrodisiac effect and ramp up their sexual desires.
4. DIY (Indonesia)
According to the website, the punishment for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. That actually isn't true.
But Article 281 of their national law does state:
Those who purposely and explicitly conduct an immoral behaviour will be punished maximum two year and eight month imprisonment.
It's just not worth losing your head over.
5. Having sex on a motorcycle (London)
The law specifies that the vehicle must be parked for it to count towards this specific crime.
Presumably, if you manage to get going on the back of a moving motorbike, you get a free pass and a medal?
6. Being alone on your wedding night (Colombia)
According to the website, in the city of Cali the bride's mother must be in the room to witness the sexual act.
And you thought your mother-in-law was bad...
7. Cheating on your wife (Ancient Greece)
If a man was found guilty of adultery, it was perfectly within the punishment of the law to remove his pubic hair and shove a radish up his anus.
8. Charging cab fare (Buckfield, Maine)
According to law, taxi drivers cannot charge any passenger who offers him sexual favours in return for a ride.
But only if the passenger is returning from a nightclub or anywhere that serves alcohol.
9. Being a taker, not a giver (T'ang Dynasty, China)
Empress Wu Hu was concerned that giving oral sex to men could represent supremacy of male over female.
So, logically, she passed a law decreeing that all visiting male dignitaries would kneel before her and pleasure her orally, in order to show her respect.
10. Having sex with a porcupine (Florida)
11. Kissing a sleeping woman (Colorado)
A beloved classic fairytale with a twist: 'Sleeping Felony'.
12. Sleeping with pigs, cows, horses, goats or chickens (Clawson, Michigan)
This law only applies to farmers. Proximity's one thing, but why is it ok for everyone else?
13. Sleeping with male animals (Lebanon)
Why only male animals?
14. Sex, on the steps of a church, after the sun goes down (Birmingham, UK)
You will face a charge of disorderly conduct and a potential fine of up to £25 for this very specific crime.
15. Skinny Dipping (Georgetown, Guyana):
You will be punished with a fresh coat of paint, taken to the outskirts of the town and left to fend for yourself.
If you are caught having sex while skinny dipping, you will get painted, attached to an ass and taken on a tour of the village, then dropped at the edge of town and told not to come back.