This woman wrote a formal rejection letter to men who sent her dick pics

Roisin O'Connor@Roisin_OConnor
Tuesday 25 October 2016 12:30
news

Anyone who has ever found themselves at the receving end of an unsolicited dick pic may have wished they had a better response than "f**k off".

Fortunately an intrepid woman by the name of Sarah-Louise Jordan has gone to some effort to pen a proper response, as a formal rejection letter.

Twitter user @maellevie shared the following letter, which was typed up in stylised font, with a parchment-effect background. It had a crest and everything.

Here's what it said:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.

However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.

The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:

Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step by step guide to saying hello)

How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves

Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration

How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)

AND

Penis reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.

We will also answer questions you might have such as:

Do I have too much time on my hands?

AND

Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?

(Note: the number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)

Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:

An inventive critique of your pride & joy

AND

A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.

We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.

Yours faithfully.

The original post was made on Facebook by Sarah-Louise herself in June, who explained that she was inspired to write the response after finding a "surprising picture" in her messages.

"I did the only English thing there was to do," she wrote.

Save this to your phone and use when needed.

More: This couple parodied the 'follow me' photo series and it's brilliant

More: This bar left a surprising note for a woman who left her car parked outside overnight

Trending