Boris Johnson won't face leadership vote, says Dominic Raab
Indy

Boris Johnson's sweaty grip on power is slipping, with swathes of Tories turning against him in the wake of Sue Gray's damning report into Partygate.

After Gray found that some events held in Downing Street during the pandemic weren't exactly kosher, to put it mildly, 28 of his MPs have called on him to resign and 16 have admitted to sending letters of no confidence in the PM to backbench boss Sir Graham Brady.

It could be worse than that - rumours are rumbling around Westminster that Brady will soon actually get the 54 letters needed to trigger a vote of no confidence in the PM. If he does, there will be a vote and if over half of Tory MPs are tired of their blunderer in chief, he will have to pack his bags and do one.

We can imagine not having much confidence in Johnson. After all, his handling of Partygate has been abysmal and he is now presiding over a devastating cost of living crisis that is forcing people to choose between heating and eating.

So, we've come up with some alternative figureheads who could step in if Johnson gets the boot.

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1. The Downing Street press briefing room's Henry Hoover

When Johnson unveiled his expensive press briefing room, people found it funny that a Henry Hoover was left in the background. Now let's get the Hoover to clean up the mess politics is in.


2. Larry the Downing Street cat

Larry already knows his way round Downing Street and wasn't named in the Gray report so is probably a decent character.


3. Binley Mega Chippy's owner

The Coventry chippy has already united the nation more than Johnson ever could.


4. Sue Gray

Look, we've decided we trust her moral judgement on those who run the county already, letting her run the country instead is the only logical next step.


5. The Love Island team

Given they are responsible for running one of TV's most entertaining shows, we reckon they could also run the country.


6. All the wine and cheese consumed during Partygate

Gray found that people munched on quite a lot of cheese and wine in Downing Street. Between it all, it could probably form a government.


7. Dilyn the dog

Johnson's dog spends less time in the doghouse than his owner so why not give him the keys to power?


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