We came up with better Tory leadership slogans

We came up with better Tory leadership slogans

Tory leadership race heats up to replace Johnson as PM

Al Jazeera

Thank goodness a wild week in Westminster politics is finally over, seeing the beginning of the end of Boris Johnson’s tenure as prime minister and a flurry of Tory MPs rushing to replace him as the next Conservative Party leader.

And with leadership campaigns come cringeworthy launch videos, god-awful graphics and – perhaps worst of all – embarrassing slogans.

Just like the choice of candidates, the choice of straplines are pretty poor, so we’ve decided to offer up some more hard-hitting campaign slogans instead.

You’re welcome, Tories.

Rishi Sunak

The former chancellor announced his leadership bid on Friday with a swanky video and a new hashtag: #Ready4Rishi.

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We’re not quite sure why he’s stylised the ‘for’ like that. It comes across as more Anti-Climactic Four than Fantastic Four.

So let us offer something a bit more refreshing, Mr Sunak. How about ‘Sunak Rather Than Later’, ‘Your Rishi Is My Command’ or arguably our most provocative suggestion which will really worry other candidates: ‘Don’t You Rish Your PM Was Hot Like Me?’

I mean, you’d even have a song to go with it…

Sajid Javid

‘Say Ja To Javid?’

Okay, look, we struggled with this one, alright? And clearly the former chancellor's team has too if the best they can come up with is 'Team Saj' - the same slogan from his 2019 run...

Jeremy Hunt

Back when he tried to take over from Theresa May in 2019, the former health secretary ran a campaign with the slogan ‘Has To Be Hunt’.

It wasn’t very good, because we all know who won instead.

So allow us to suggest something different: ‘My Name Might Rhyme With C*** But I Promise I’m Not One’.

You know, just to make things absolutely clear…

Kemi Badenoch

‘KB4PM’ sounds like a failed X Factor export, but it’s what the former equalities minister has decided to run with when it comes to her campaign slogan.

This is despite ‘Opportunity Nochs’ being right there for the taking, or the longer ‘Vote For Me Because The Other Candidates Aren’t Bad-Enough’.

Liz Truss

Liz Truss released her leadership campaign video on Monday, and has gone with 'Trusted To Deliver' as a slogan.

It makes sense, as rather embarrassingly for Ms Truss, someone’s already pinched the website for ‘In Liz We Trust’ and has directed it to an embarrassing video.

We have a better suggestion, though. ‘Porkie Markets, Not Porkie Pies’, anyone?

We also think she should call her donation pot to fund her leadership campaign a ‘Truss Fund’ - because of course.

Nadhim Zahawi

We think ‘Dream With Nadhim’ could work, if it didn’t sound like a rejected Disney marketing campaign.

Then again, Mr Zahawi has certainly taken the Mickey this week.

Suella Braverman

Yes, ‘Suella For Leader’ is really the best slogan the attorney general could come up with for her leadership campaign.

Good lord.

Why not ‘Suella De Vil?’

Tom Tugendhat

‘A Clean Start’ really doesn’t cut through when your party’s been in charge for the past 12 years, Mr Tugendhat.

Come on, the last three letters of your surname offers a range of puns to work with. ‘Hat In The Ring’, ‘If You Don’t Elect Me I’ll Eat My (Tugend)Hat’…

‘Top Hat’ was right there!

Penny Mordaunt

The former defence secretary and paymaster general announced her bid on Sunday, and decided to go for a hashtag and website which is simply ‘PM 4 PM’.

Again, we don’t know what it is with the number four which gets Conservatives so excited...

And to think ‘In For A Penny’ was staring her in the face…

Grant Shapps

‘Back Shapps’ is the best the former transport secretary could come up with, which is incredible considering just how much fun he seems to be having in promotional videos for the Department for Transport.

A childish secretary requires a childish slogan, surely?

‘If You’re Shappy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands?’

Rehman Chishti

'Voting For Someone Else? No Reh-man!'

We are so, so tired...

Hopefully we’ll see a campaign rebrand in due course. Invoices are in the post, folks.

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