Paris Hilton’s new cooking video is a thing of wonder

The great Paris Hilton is back with a cooking video that could become a long-running series to rival The Simpsons.

Hilton, the iconic socialite, DJ, actress, singer and reality star, has uploaded Cooking with Paris to Youtube, a video in which, over the course of 16 magnificent minutes, she cooks a lasagne.

In the video, which she has threatened might be the first of many, Paris is seen managing to miss the actual food when she attempts to add salt, failing to identify a spatula and describing a cheese grater as “annoying”.

The thing about Paris is one senses that, even as far back as the glory days of The Simple Life, she knew what she was doing and is simply playing a role. The kitchen in the video has a Marilyn Monroe figurine as a focal point, another legendary blonde sex symbol whose public persona and actual personality became blurred as the years passed. This might be a clue as to the truth since friends have even claimed the voice Hilton uses for media appearances is affected, far higher than it is in private.

Why is Paris’ dog, Diamond Baby, billed as her assistant? Why are spoons characterised as “brutal”? Why does she appear to be wearing golf gloves? Why does the entire thing feel like a fever dream?

The answers to none of these questions and less are contained within the first instalment of Cooking with Paris. We do, however, get the first recorded example of a “that’s hot” in reference to the actual temperature of a thing.

From Larry David to Madonna, many of the greatest figures in pop culture resonate with us because they’re absolutely themselves and Paris is no exception. Each and every one of these greats has utter faith in their own abilities. Or, in Paris’ own words:

I think it's important for girls to be confident. Believe in yourself and everybody’s hot.

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