Love Island: Judging the Casa Amor contestants based on first impressions

We have suffered. How we have suffered! The first few weeks of Love Island have trickled by in a haze of mundanity. Apart from the Chloe and Toby drama that kicked off last week, nothing much has happened and viewers have been bored.

But tonight, the series will really start. Because tonight, Casa Amor opens it doors.

For the uninitiated, halfway through every series of Love Island, the boys are kidnapped in the middle of the night and taken to a new villa, tackily named Casa Amor. There, they meet six new girls sent to tempt them out of their fledgling Main Villa relationships or provide the perpetual singletons with another chance of love. Meanwhile, six new boys enter the main villa to do the very same with the original girls.

The islanders either choose to stick with the person they are coupled up with in the original villa, or choose one of the new people. It’s a plot point designed to cause absolute chaos. We love it.

At the start of the series, we made snap judgements about the original contestants and, to be honest, they’ve so far been completely correct.

And so to the Casa Amor contestants we turn to to judge, based purely on an extremely short video clip introducing them.

The boys

Dale Mehmet

Dale is a Glaswegian barber who suspiciously claims to be 24. Many of the men in Love Island consistently look around 35 despite being, say, 19, so he will fit right in.

He also says he rates himself ten out of ten and warns the boys to “watch out” if he “likes their girl”.

Despite this bombasticness, we regret to inform him he will not be making it to the main villa.

Medhy Malanda

Medhy is an American footballer and is interested in Kaz. Kaz has had bad luck in the villa so far but is now coupled up with Tyler who seems very nice and very handsome so it will be interesting to see if her head is turned by this bombshell.

Sam Jackson

Sam is another person unafraid of “stepping on toes”.

He says: “My friends and family would describe me as confident, sometimes too confident for my own good. Cheeky, fun and exciting!”

He added: “I’m a proper lads’ lad. I see myself getting on with the boys as well - it’ll be good to meet some new people and get a few bromances going.”

This is not friend island, Sam!

Jack Barlow

Jack is a racing driver who seems exceedingly friendly and nice and has been compared to existing contestant Hugo Hammond. He should, therefore, not bother unpacking when he gets to the villa.

“You don’t need big muscles, you just need blue eyes and a good job and a bit of chat,” he says.

“I’m very much a connection type of person so I’ll be able to tell more in person. From what I’ve seen and going off their energy, Chloe has been top of my list. It’s been nice to see her be herself and not care what anyone thinks. I think she’ll be a lot of fun.”

Matthew MacNabb

Matt seems quite calm and relaxed so we predict he might not have the sheer extroversion needed to catapult himself from Casa to the Main Villa.

He also says he is attracted to Kaz.

Harry Young

Harry seems like a typical Love Island Lad (TM). He is “buzzing” to get into the villa and he was approached to appear on it via Tinder.

We wish him a pleasant package holiday.

The girls

Clarisse Juliette

Clarisse Juliette is a 23-year-old social media influencer from London. She already has over 245,000 followers on Instagram and the more sceptical among us may suggest she has joined the villa to benefit from the huge social media following and brand deals contestants get upon leaving.

Going on Love Island as a career move and not for love is not unusual now that the show has gained the popularity it has and islanders most definitely know what they are signing up for.

Nevertheless, there is still an odd cultural norm within the villa in which they are expected to keep up the pretence that it is a small game show. Islanders who break this unwritten rule are rarely popular with the public.

Clarisse has said she is attracted to Teddy, who is currently coupled up with the popular Faye. It’s all to play for.

Lillie Haynes

The 22-year-old from Newcastle has got her heart set on Jake. She said:

“My best feature is probably my feet.

“I’ve definitely got my eye on Jake. He’s 100 per cent the type of boy I would go for at home. It’s too good of a match not to just go for.”

Jake is currently coupled up with fan favourite, Liberty, and viewers are concerned that his head will turn in Casa Amor given how much he has previously talked about loving “petite blondes with nice toes” (yes, really).

Anyone who ruins Jiberty will not be seen favourably by the public. We’ve got our eyes on you!

Salma Naran

Salma is another model/influencer - a classic Love Island career. In her opening clip, she says she believes she is “the full package” and that “being in a couple” wouldn’t stop her from getting to know a boy she is interested in. It’s quite common for islanders to make exceedingly arrogant entrances and then turn out to be nice and normal people (see AJ: “eyes on the prize boys”) so we won’t hold this against her.

Perhaps she will be a good match for Dale?

Amy Day

In her opening clip, Amy absolutely smashes out Love Island Bingo. She is from “Surrey”, is a “girl’s girl” but isn’t afraid of stepping on people’s “toes”. At this point, we are unsure if she is a robot created by AI and machine-learning to be the most classic Love Islander of all time.

Good! Stuff!

Mary Bedford

“Imagine the kids!” Mary proclaims when describing Liam, a man in one of the strongest couples of the series so far, a man she has not met.

Mary is a model and already has over 200,000 followers on Instagram, one of which being former islander Molly-Mae Hughes.

“I’m just going to get in there, see how Liam actually is feeling about Millie really and then reassess. I’m definitely not one to lay it on thick. I’ll just do a bit of flirting and see how it goes. That’s the whole aim isn’t it? If I go in there and I really like Liam I’ll have to step on Millie’s toes.!

We welcome this clear agent of chaos with open arms.

Kaila Troy

Kaila is 28 and therefore represents the geriatric category of Love Islanders. Perhaps owing to being elderly, she seems calm and confident without coming across at chaotic.

She is also an international DJ, to which we say: “cool!”.

Love Island continues tonight at 9pm on ITV2.