Someone has imagined Cosmo sex tips for men and they're hideous

If you hadn't worked out already - this article is a little NSFW.

Cosmopolitan’s sex tips are known to be slightly bizarre at times.

They have spawned endless articles questioning what exactly the writers were thinking, and even have their own Tumblr called Bad Cosmo Sex Tips.

Inevitably, a recent Reddit thread posed the question:

If Cosmo gave sex tips for guys to use on their girlfriends rather than the other way around, what would some of these tips and tricks be?

It resulted in some very creative answers and even a mocked up Cosmo cover:

Here are some of the highlights:

Dump her ass and leave her totally wanting more!

-ItsToughBeingARobot

For some exciting sexy talk, compare her to your ex-girlfriends!

-rainslaughter

Surprise her while wearing a hairnet (anywhere that has hair)

Knead her breasts like dough, occasionally adding olive oil and salt.

Refer to her genitals as 'a mighty fine pizza pie'

This will get her in the mood for something!

-BedroomWarrior

Make yourself a sandwich, and then share half with your girlfriend.

-jaymavs

Spice things up by surprising her with Tabasco in the bedroom.

-phlap

Sprinkle a little salt on her vagina during foreplay. The salt will draw out the moisture and make her extra wet. As an added bonus, the highly salinated environment will act as a spermicidal!

-theWonderWorm

Before heading to bed, look at her and tell her: 'I am not a good lover'

This would lower the expectations of both and would enjoy sex more.

-Mephianse

During foreplay, win the lottery.

-MonstarDeluxe

Take notes, gents. Or just communicate with your partner.