Prince William marks Father's Day with new image of George, Charlotte and ...

Father's Day is being celebrated today, with Dad's around the world using the opportunity to dust off their seemingly endless book of bad puns.

Dads - here are a few more to add to your roster.

(Sorry, kids.)

Read the full list, below:


What’s the heaviest soup in Asia? One Ton


Dad: "What would you like for pudding?"

Me: "Ice-cream."

Dad: "Me too, shame we don’t have any."


Two pears on a table. Dad picks one up and says: 'They’re not a pair anymore.'


Dad (when driving past a cemetery): 'They put the fence up to keep everyone in!'


(When driving in the car)

Me: "Where are we Dad?"

Dad: "In the car."


When squeezing past in the hallway and saying "excuse me please".

A classic dad joke is to lock you in a massive hug and say:

I thought you said SQUEEZE ME.


What did the secret service yell when protecting the last president?

Donald, duck!

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Me: "Please may I leave the table?"

Dad: "And where are you going to leave it?"


When rubbing your eye

Dad: "What's up?"

Me: "There's something in my eye."

Dad: "Yeah, it's your finger."


Me: What's on the TV?

Dad: Just some dust.


Dad: "I’ve got a great joke about a pizza."

Me: "What is it?"

Dad: "I can’t tell you. It’s too cheesy."


Me: "Dad, why isn't the snake moving?"

Dad: “I don't know son, it must have a reptile dysfunction..."


Where does a bee pee? At a BP station.


I knew I shouldn’t have had the seafood. I’m feeling a little eel.


Me: "Cocktail sausage?"

You: "It’s too early for a drink, honeybun."


Me: "What are you doing, dad?"

Dad (standing on one leg at ATM): "I’m checking my balance."


Dad is scratching his eye.

Me: "Are you okay?"

Dad: "No I’m really worried I’ve got a piece of steel in my eye."

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "Because I may have it for the rust of my life."


Me: "How are you feeling?"

Dad: "Same as normal. With my hands."


Dad (watching the football): "Is Concarne playing?"

Me: "Huh?"

Dad: "Is Concarne playing? For Chile?"


Dad: "Have you heard about that new film Constipation?"

Me: "No."

Dad: "That’s because it hasn’t come out yet."


Dad: "I can cut wood just by looking at it."

Me: "I don't believe you. How?"

Dad: "It's true. I saw it with my own eyes!"


I finally bought a large thesaurus I've wanted for ages - but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

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