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Facebook / Laura Mazza

Mother-of-two Laura Mazza was diagnosed with muscle separation, after giving birth to her two children caused her abdominal wall to separate. She was advised to try yoga – but it didn’t go so well.

Mazza decided to go to a new yoga class – and quickly realised it was a bit more hard core than she’d bargained for.

She posted the hilarious story on the Facebook page for her blog Mum on the Run.

Here are some of the best moments.

We got into the class and it was dark and there's candles everywhere. (Just a slight fire risk you guys), I'm thinking, holy sh*t this is real yoga.

Then she had an awkward exchange with the teacher:

Then ashram yoga guru says loudly 'oh we have a new member tonight. We are blessed with the company of....??’

And then I replied with... ‘oh yes. And I am blessed with your company’ I don't know why I said that, probably because I'm a social idiot.

And she said ‘oh sorry I was after your name.’

‘Ah laura’

But that was just the tip of the iceberg. The yoga begins, and soon enough:

We move into the downward facing dog... and that's when I started to feel my guts.

Now for the past few weeks I have had IBS Symptoms like something crazy. My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant.

And somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart.

I farted. I farted at yoga. I'm a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me.

Again, it gets worse. Mazza continues:

We then go down on this position where we stretch right out but our legs are like a frog on the floor. The teacher then came around and pushed everyone down lower... I thought oh good, gonna get a nice crack in my back again. I hold in my butthole nice and tight to make sure no farts escape again.

She comes over... pushes my back down...

And buuuuuuuuuurrppppfffffff

The loudest trumpet comes out of my ass.

I froze and thought oh my god. Oh my god.

OH MY GOD. Sweet baby Jesus. What just happened. I'm dreaming. Surely. I'm in a nightmare.

Mazza got up, tried and failed to roll up her yoga mat, grabbed her stuff and ran to the door. She adds:

I turn around just as I'm closing the door And look up embarrassed to see everyone on their knees wide eyed staring at me in shock. And guru ashram yoga teacher looks at me, bows her head and joins her hands together and says "namaste"

And I think nah I'm a go, and I run out the door and now I'm sitting at McDonald's eating a sundae crying and laughing.

It's enough to put you off yoga forever.

HT Metro

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