15 things Americans definitely shouldn't talk about at Thanksgiving dinner

Thanksgiving. A time for turkey. A time for family reunion. A time for enraged arguments over the dinner table.

And this year, the apocalyptical post-truth cesspit that is 2016, tensions are already running a little high.

Luckily, we at indy100 have compiled this handy guide to holiday harmony. Here are all the topics you should definitely NOT discuss this year, in order to avoid stabbing eachother with the carving knife.

1. Donald Trump being President-elect

Yep. That happened. We're all still trying to process it.

But look at it this way - he's already spat on decades of social progress and may actually start a nuclear war. Why let him ruin your dinner?

2. Hillary Clinton winning the popular vote by millions

Originally estimated at about 1 million, Clinton leads the popular vote by almost two million at last count.

Amidst accusations of irregularities and even hackings, many are now calling for a recount.

Which brings us to our next point...

3. The electoral college system

The archaic electoral college system, which allowed Trump to win despite being almost two million votes behind, has been staunchly criticised for decades as unrepresentative and now undemocratic.

Most notably, by the president-elect himself.

Don't worry though, the turkey can't flip flop. It's dead.

4. Religion

Always a controversial topic at the best of times.

But this year has seen Islamaphobia reach its highest levels since 9/11, Italy's devastating earthquakes blamed on gay marriage, and even a dead foetus on an altar.

So praise God for your pumpkin pie instead.

5. The Native American genocide

Just don't mention the fact that Americans are essentially giving thanks for invasion, biological warfare and the deaths of millions.

And definitely do not mention the fact that Native Americans are getting teargassed in Dakota today, for protesting the violation of American land.

Just hit the booze. Hard.

6. Why the single people are single

'Nuff said.

7. Gun control

There are very few arguments that could easily escalate into manslaughter.

But the gun control debate is one of them.

8. Mike Pence

I think we've all had just about enough of the words "email scandal" this year.

And it's probably best not to bring up the HIV epidemic that he kinda oversaw.

Remember: ham, not Hamilton.

9. Planned parenthood

Yes, trolling Mike Pence by donating to Planned Parenthood in his name was hilarious.

Yes, all scientific/sociological studies show beyond all reasonable doubt that good sexual education and the availability of contraception dramatically reduces rates of STIs and unwanted teenage pregnancies.

But abort this conversation.

10. Bill Cosby

Loveable stand up comedian or rampant sexual abuser?

The courts will decide. Not you, pumpkin.

11. Isis

"We're going to knock out ISIS."

"Now, how are you going to do that?"

"I don't tell you that. Why do I have to tell you that?"

It's fine, he's got a plan. You don't need to know it. Back to your cranberries.

12. People dying on Black Friday

Do not mention the injuries, accidents and deaths that occur on the consumerist apocalypse busiest shopping night of the year.

13. Immigration

Never mind the fact that Americans are effectively celebrating their own uncontrolled immigration into the USA.

Do also ignore the self-evident irony of any white American (or non-Native American) calling anyone else an immigrant.

Post-truth world rocks. And so does turkey.

14. Brexit

Just. Don't. Go. There.

15. Donald Trump

And his campaign. And his transition team. And his family. And his marriages. And his speeches. And his rhetoric. And his experience. And his court cases. And his sexual assault allegations.

Except his hair. You can discuss his hair because it looks like this pheasant.

Picture:

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