This is the advice a gay woman has to give straight men on sex

Ali Adler is not backwards about coming forwards.

The comedy writer and producer (whose credits include Family Guy, Supergirl and Glee) has just released a new book called How to F--k a Woman, and you better believe it does what it says on the tin.

Adler, who is lesbian, has decided to right the wrongs she has overheard too many male colleagues boast about and school straight men on how to love the women in their lives better.

“While I was having sex with myself or other girls,” Adler writes, “you were masturbating at a speed that’s the opposite of what’s good for women. So I have an advantage, and it’s time to share it.”

Her frank advice includes such gems as:

The key to the vagina kingdom is: Don’t fix. Just listen. This is so difficult, but it is so essential. Think of your penis not as a screwdriver, but as a microphone. Yes, we like sex (actually, we love it!), but if we have bad feelings, you won’t get laid.

A kiss is the litmus test for fucking. If your kiss is gross, often things go no further than this... Don’t go leaping in. Your tongue is not a Mars rover; it is not an exploration device programmed to bring saliva samples back to NASA.

Sometimes women’s body insecurities or inhibitions won’t allow them to relax. Here is where you come in. When you get down there, your face right up on her, as an overall tonal note, you must behave as if her vagina is the greatest thing you’ve ever smelled, tasted, and had the privilege to be near. She must believe that she is letting you eat the Cinnabon that is attached to her body.

Amen, Adler. Amen.

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