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Politics
Liam O'Dell
Jun 17, 2023
Daily Mail unveils Boris Johnson as new columnist
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We were told it would be “required reading”, but Boris Johnson’s first column for the Daily Mail has been dismissed as a poorer version of broadcaster Adrian Chiles’ articles for The Guardian.
Just one day after the ex-prime minister and former MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip was found to have deliberately misled MPs by the House of Commons’ Privileges Committee, Mr Johnson revealed he had signed up to write weekly articles for the publication.
In a video shared on Friday, the politician said he was “thrilled” to contribute to the Mail and promised it would be “completely unexpurgated stuff”.
“I may even have to cover politics, but I’ll obviously try to do that as little as possible, unless I absolutely have to,” he added.
The Mail itself even went as far as to describe Mr Johnson – who was once sacked from a job at The Timesover allegations he made up a quote – as “one of the wittiest and most original writers in the business”.
So, after all this hype, what was the incisive, essential analysis that the former mayor of London offered up for his first piece this weekend?
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“The wonder drug I hoped would stop my 11:30pm fridge raids for cheddar and chorizo didn’t work for me. But I still believe it could change the lives of millions.”
Eh?
Well, he did say he’d avoid talking about politics as much as possible, but many weren’t expecting Mr Johnson to talk about his decision to take weight loss medication known as semaglutide (or Ozempic, to give it one of its brand names), which is also a treatment for type 2 diabetes.
Mr Johnson wrote: “After 40 years of moral failure, 40 years of weakness in the face of temptation … I was going to acquire a new and invincible chemical willpower. I was going to become an ex-glutton, a person of moderation and grace and restraint, and like my Cabinet colleagues I was going to start to resemble a chiselled whippet.
“I must have been losing four or five pounds a week – maybe more – when all at once it started to go wrong. I don’t know why exactly, maybe it was something to do with constantly flying around the world, and changing time zones, but I started to dread the injections, because they were making me feel ill.
“For now I am back to exercise and willpower, but I look at my colleagues – leaner but not hungrier – and I hope that if science can do it for them, maybe one day it can help me, and everyone else.”
Well, we know how unafraid Mr Johnson is of fridges given he once hid in one to escape an interview with Piers Morgan.
As for the article, Twitter users were soon comparing it to that of former Daybreak presenter Adrian Chiles’ work for The Guardian – articles which have come with such outlandish headlines as “I’d love to laugh like a baby again, but the best I can hope for is a big sneeze” and “A few wise words have stopped me eating like a barnyard animal”:
\u201cBoris Johnson\u2019s column for the Daily Mail has dropped. I read it so you don\u2019t have to\u2026 \n\nIt\u2019s about Ozempic. \n\nIt\u2019s verbose, pretentious and tries to charm. \n\nHis \u201c40 years of moral failure\u201d spread far wider than his cravings for cheese and spicy pork - and he knows it.\u201d— Sangita Myska (@Sangita Myska) 1686935290
\u201cI'm not sure what the Daily Mail thought they were getting for their six-figure Boris Johnson column, but I doubt 1,000 rambling words on why he took appetite suppressants for a bit, but gave them up after they made him feel a bit sick, was it.\u201d— Adam Bienkov (@Adam Bienkov) 1686932282
\u201c@DailyMailUK This is, genuinely, terrible writing.\n\nIt's GCSE English project level at best, and that's me being VERY generous.\n\nTen million quid well spent there lads at the Daily Mail!\u201d— Daily Mail U.K. (@Daily Mail U.K.) 1686931290
\u201cOne day after being found in contempt of Parliament, he demonstrates his contempt for his latest employer. This single slice of twaddle cost Dacre & co well in excess of twenty grand. And the Mail is on a redundancy drive.\u201d— James O'Brien (@James O'Brien) 1686932552
\u201cLike to think if I was offered six figures as a columnist I could come up with a better pitch than \u201cI like cheese\u201d\u201d— James Felton (@James Felton) 1686934912
\u201cFriday morning's Daily Mail front page: We've signed up an erudite new columnist who will be required reading around the world\nFriday evening's Daily Mail website: We appear to be paying six figures for some sort of Adrian Chiles-lite guff about liking to eat sausages\u201d— Simon HB (@Simon HB) 1686932752
\u201cPound shop Adrian Chiles\u201d— Dave Ross (@Dave Ross) 1686952703
\u201cImagine falling from Prime minister to shit Adrian Chiles.\u201d— Martin Smith (@Martin Smith) 1686933185
\u201cHow much is Adrian Chiles getting to ghostwrite Boris Johnson's new Mail column\u201d— Josh Barrie (@Josh Barrie) 1686933909
\u201cThe emotional rollercoaster of the Daily Mail comment editor as they waited for Boris Johnson\u2019s first column to drop into their inbox, and then got this\u201d— Ben Kentish (@Ben Kentish) 1686933306
Who knows what Mr Johnson will write about next…
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