Liz Truss repeats Keir Starmer's 'growth, growth, growth' economic slogan
Indy

A new enemy just dropped and it threatens to drag Britain into disarray.

It's called "the anti-growth coalition" (we will now call it AGC) and it is ruining the economy, destroying sensible discourse, and it is probably even why you didn't get a good night sleep yesterday.

At least that is what prime minister Liz Truss seems to think.

Speaking at the Tory party conference yesterday, the Tory leader railed against these absolute swines who dare show their faces in our country.

"I will not allow the anti-growth coalition to hold us back," she pledged.

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"They peddle the same old answers," she continued.

"It’s always more taxes, more regulation and more meddling.

“Wrong, wrong, wrong.”

Hear hear!

So how do we find these terrible people who form the AGC? How do we make sure they stop harming our Way Of Life? Well, they walk among us, we're afraid to tell you. You might be in the AGC without even knowing.

So are you responsible for the mess Britain is in?

Take this quiz to find out:

1. Do you support Labour?

2. Do you support the Lib Dems?

3. Do you support the SNP?

4. Do you support unions?

5. Are you in a think tank or support ideas published by think thanks?

6. Are you a talking head?

7. Are you opposed to Brexit?

8. Do you support Extinction Rebellion?

9. Are you involved in Greenpeace?

10. Do you protest?

11. Do you have a Twitter account?

12. Do you use taxis?

13. Do you live in or come from North London?

14. Do you live in a townhouse?

15. Do you like the BBC?

16. Do you listen to or contribute to a podcast?

17. Are you Jamie Oliver?


Results

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions then we are sorry to break it to you, but you are part of the AGC and you are absolutely messing everything up. You should feel terrible. And the more questions you answered "yes" to, the more egregious you are.

This is because Truss went on to define the AGC as: "Labour, the Lib Dems, the SNP, the militant unions, the vested interests dressed up as think tanks, the talking heads, the Brexit deniers, Extinction Rebellion and some of the people we had in the hall earlier [referring to Greenpeace protestors who interrupted her speech]."

“The fact is they prefer protesting to doing," she continued. "They prefer talking on Twitter to taking tough decisions.

“They taxi from north London townhouses to the BBC studio to dismiss anyone challenging the status quo.

“From broadcast to podcast, they peddle the same old answers".

Downing Street did not even rule out that Jamie Oliver and independent think tanks were also part of the list of enemies.

It makes us sick just thinking about these kind of people just out and about in our schools, on our buses, on our streets, but we persevere. Please award a score of one to every statement you agree with and continue reading to find out just how awful you are:


AGCish

If you scored one to five, you are pretty AG, but you are OK with a little bit of G. You probably like a plateauing economy, but don't do anything to actively cause a recession (like listen to a podcast). Truss hates you, but she hates other people more.


Bonafide AGC

If you scored six to 10 you are a card-carrying member of the AGC. You've been to your fair share of anti-Brexit rallies and you probably tweet to your 15 followers every so often. You think Keir Starmer knows how to sort this country out and you are concerned about climate change, you fool.


Could you be more AGC?

If you scored 11-15 you are so AGC it hurts. You love a failing economy. You hate Tories who are just trying to help Good Honest Working People do their Good Honest Work. You might even be Jamie Oliver.


ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE

And if you scored 15 or more? Please leave the country now. Suella Braverman should be able to sort you a flight.

What do you mean you are just living your life North of the River Thames and voted Remain, pay your taxes, and live as a reputable member of society?

What do you mean you don't control economic policy and it is actually the Tories - who have been in power for 12 years - who are responsible for economic growth?

What do you mean this is all one big vomit of rhetoric, designed to distract and divide, and that we should be scrutinising politicians who peddle this nonsense instead of even humouring it?

What?

Do?

You?

MEAN?!

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