A woman said she’s boycotting her little brother’s wedding because he cheated on his first wife - and says her husband should have refused to be a groomsman.
In a post published to the Reddit thread r/AmITheA**hole, the woman’s husband detailed the situation surrounding his brother-in-law, who he considers to be “his little brother”.
He said that his brother-in-law got someone pregnant when he was in his early twenties, which led to them getting married for the sake of the child, but it “was a mistake.”
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Eventually, the brother-in-law ended up having an affair with a woman who is his now-fiancée, which led to the end of his former marriage.
“Fast forward a couple of years, and now he is getting married to ‘the other woman.’ They’ve asked my wife and me to be a bridesmaid and groomsman. My wife has categorically refused.”
The man added that his wife won’t condone a relationship that started sneakily and also refuses to send a message to her nephew that “it’s OK that his father cheated on his mom.”
A man removing a wedding ringShutterstock / Andrey Danilov
Despite the man’s wife wanting him to boycott the nuptials, he supports the brother-in-law’s relationship. He told his brother-in-law and good friend that he “will absolutely be in his wedding” regardless if his wife accompanies him because he wants his brother-in-law “to be happy.”
People in the comments had mixed opinions, with some understanding how the man, his wife and brother-in-law feel about the wedding.
“I can understand your wife’s stance on this - you say ‘he’s my friend, and I want him to be happy,’ and she feels the same way about her ex-sister-in-law and her nephew, whom your brother-in-law made very sad. I can understand your stance too, and it’s probably the one I’d take - bygones and all that. But I think you need to ask yourself whether you’re prepared for the permanent breach it may cause with your wife. If there’s a way to handle this more sensitively, pursue it. You owe your wife understanding as well as your brother-in-law,” someone wrote.
Another added: “Not the a**hole, good for him. Everyone should get to be happy, and although he didn’t go about dissolving his marriage in the best way that doesn’t make him a horrible person who doesn’t deserve happiness and your family’s support. I hate when people take sides like this, your wife can do what she likes. But it’s not her place to judge and condemn him for what he did, and she will waste energy and lose out by doing so.”
Others believed the man was in the wrong, assuming that he would give his wife the impression that he was excusing adultery and willing to cheat himself.
“Do you want your wife to think you’re cheating on her? Because this is how you get your wife to think you’re cheating on her. You want to go this wedding, you need to do serious damage control with your wife because you’re setting yourself up as the pro-adultery party, and that’s not something she’s going to look kindly on,” a third added.
A fourth added: “If you go, you will create a rift in your marriage. Don’t jeopardize your marriage for an adulterer. Being in an unhappy marriage does not excuse cheating.”