A woman has taken to Reddit to vent about a frustrating situation she found herself in while she cooked for her husband and his guests.
Posting in the “Am I The A**hole” subreddit, the poster explained that while cooking, her husband “pressured” her to “hurry up” and urged her to “just do [her] job”.
She posted to the forum to ask whether people thought she was unreasonable for refusing to continue cooking after the comment.
Providing background to the situation, she said her husband’s mother holds conservative opinions around the woman’s role in the household, writing: “His mom taught him that his future wife should do everything so he didn’t have to learn.
“My husband cleans while I cook but he tends to complain from time to time and throws some weird believes/opinions at me that are similar to what his mom thinks. I get it since he’s been raised by her and this mentality takes time to go away. [sic]”
Both of them work equal hours and, on this night that her husband had guests over, they agreed that she would cook and he would clean “like always”.
She was running behind in preparing the meal, and her husband came into the kitchen and urged her to “hurry up.”
When she said it was unfair that she didn’t even get to meet the guests, he apparently said “just do your job” before rushing out. She confronted him, asking what he just said to her as she turned off the oven.
She wrote: “He was freaking out saying ‘no no, wait, what are you doing?’ while I took my apron off. I said I don’t work for him to tell me to ‘do my job’ and he should take over cooking if he thought I was ‘slow’.
“He begged me not to do this to him and explained he didn’t mean to tell me to do my job but only spoke this way since he’s used to say stuff like that at work and wasn’t paying attention.”
She went upstairs to let him figure it out himself and, two hours later, when the guests left, he appeared “an absolute mess, hair messed up, and his shirt stained.”
The post continues: “He asked if I was happy and proud of ‘proving a point’ by backing out of cooking last minute just cause he slipped and accidentally said ‘do your job’. I told him that he’s an adult and is responsible for what comes out his mouth accidental or not and again said I didn’t have to cook for his guests and that I only volunteered(!) to help and he sounded like his mother with what he said. [sic]
“He said it wasn’t true and that he was disappointed because I didn’t stick to my word and left him to fend for himself and embarrassed him in front of guests by giving them half cooked meals over something so dumb. [sic]
“He walked out after changing his clothes and called me mean.”
She wrote that her husband now wants an apology for “backing out last minute knowing he can’t cook”.
The post attracted over 2,000 comments, with the top comment receiving over 20,000 upvotes.
The comment reads: “NTA [not the a**hole]. It’s past time for him to learn to cook. Because it’s NOT "your job". He owes YOU an apology. (Also, show him this post.)”
Another user commented: “He needs to appreciate what you do for him, not take it for granted and bark out orders to you.”
Although the top-voted comments overwhelmingly agreed with the original poster’s (OP’s) actions, several comment differed.
One user wrote wrote: “I’m going to go against the grain here. ESH [everyone sucks here]. Our partners are OUR PARTNERS. You knew this would embarrass him, at the least, and possibly humiliate him. What he said was wrong and infuriating. He was flustered and clearly wanted to impress these guests. You were also flustered for reasons out of your control but that doesn’t mean you leave him hanging. A co-worker, friend, acquaintance? Sure. But not your partner.
“Unless you are planning to leave him for it, tell him you’re upset, set it aside, and lay into him later. There’s no need to humiliate him.”
Another commenter agreed that the situation perhaps isn’t as black and white as it first seemed: “Uncertain. Honestly it really depends. If he said it meaning it’s your job as a wife to cook, then he is the AH [a**hole], no question. BUT, from the sound of it there is a VERY good chance that all he meant by “job” was your agreed upon work responsibilities.
“If that is the case it would certainly make more sense with him apologizing for a slip up with his wording as opposed to a sexist remark.
“A slip up of word use should be understandable. A sexist ideology is obviously not. I highly doubt he’s a sexist at heart and you are just now figuring that out. Poor choice of word seems far more likely.”