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geisenfuneralhome screengrab and Kraft

Terry Wayne Ward died of a stroke at the age of 71 and his daughter has penned an obituary in his memory.

But it’s no ordinary obituary, you see.

The first line of the obit read as follows:

Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Jean Lahm, Ward’s daughter, continued that he was survived by his “overly patient and accepting wife Kathy”.

Picture: Picture: Geisen Funeral Homes screengrab

Of the Vietnam war veteran, she added:

Terry graduated from Thornridge High School in South Holland, IL, where only three of his teachers took an early retirement after having had him as a student. He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman – he didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL. 

He despised “uppity foods” like hummus, which his family lovingly called “bean dip” for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn’t give a damn about most material things...he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.

Terry died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.

Lahm told The New York Postthat with a father like Ward, "there was no other way to write this obituary".

H/T The New York Post

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