What is 'dry begging'? Potentially problematic relationship term explained

From red flags to embarrassing boyfriends, the topic of relationships always sparks widespread conversations online, particularly when there is a new term making the rounds.

On this occasion, the phrase that is getting attention is all to do with "dry begging" and how it can be a sign of manipulation or narcissism - here's everything you need to know and experts' verdict on the term.

What is dry begging?

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The term "dry begging" refers to when one person in the relationship is being indirect with their requests to their partner without directly addressing the problem they have head-on.

Jordanne Sculler, a New York-based licensed mental health counsellor and psychotherapist, told Oprah Daily, that the person "dry begging" is indirectly asking for "attention, support, or validation."

“The goal is to elicit a response without having to be vulnerable or take ownership of the request.”

Examples of dry begging

For instance, instead of just directly saying "I want to spend more time with you" when a partner is going out without them, the dry begging version of this would be "Oh, I guess I’ll just stay home on my own then."

“It is like emotional code-switching,” Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at SOBA New Jersey, explained to Parade. “Instead of saying ‘Can you help me with this?’, they will say something like, ‘I do not know how I am going to finish all this on my own.

Why do people dry beg their partners?

There are a number of different reasons why someone may resort to "dry begging" with Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed clinical professional counselor with Thriveworks in Columbia, MD noted to HuffPost, that it can come from "a place of insecurity, fear or manipulation," or could be something a person had to do grow up to get their needs fulfilled.

This insecurity and fear could be a worry about being rejected if they were to come out with a direct request to their partner.

Manipulation and narcissism

When it comes to "dry begging" it is something we've all done at some point, but context and intention are important in understanding when and to what extent this is becomes concerning behaviour.

According to Sculler, the underlying message of "dry begging" is "to make the other person feel obligated to offer support and attention," and so that's when the red flags of manipulation and narcissism come up.

So how could a person tell when they're partner's dry begging gets to that point?

“When the person is intentionally dry begging with the purpose of manipulating to get their way or to be seen in the most favourable light, not caring about the impact on the other(s), then those are times when dry begging could be connected to narcissistic traits [or] tendencies, or narcissistic personality disorder itself," she added.

Communication is key

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A way to avoid "dry begging" is to ensure you're up front and honest in your communication with your partners, so there is no avoidance of doubt.

It will make things both healthier and easier to put things into practice, or open up a wider discussion and prevent communication from being misconstrued and ultimately save your time and heartache in the process.

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