Count Binface becomes PM: We already have a pretty rubbish PM, so this isn’t necessarily a stretch.
Pete Davidson goes on Love Island and wins absolutely everybody’s hearts. He’s quite popular...
Dolly Parton wins Nobel Prize: She wins all of our prizes already.
Peppa Pig announces new political party: The gammons will officially unite.
Scotland leaves the UK and unites with Ireland to make a Celtic Super Republic: Given the noise around Scottish independence, could the nation one day join forces with its Celtic sibling to create a Republic of Craic?
Boris Johnson discovers TikTok: And he will deliver a 20 minute speech on it.
Donald Trump’s hair revealed to be toupée: His fabulous mop of hair isn’t actually his. It will be revealed to be fragments of a literal mop.
RuPaul buys Amazon: But rebrands it Glamazon. You can still find everything on there, but there would be “no f***ing H&M”.
Nigella Lawson becomes newsreader: Who doesn’t want to hear the nightly news in her dulcet tones?
Jeff Bezos revealed to be an alien: He’s already visited space (his true home). Much like they do in Scooby Doo, they’ll whip off his mask to unveil he is in fact a little green man.
Elon Musk denounces technology: Content with his accolade as Time’s person of the year, he will feel as though he’s peaked and will fade into obscurity. Sadly, people will have to find other sources of memes as he would likely get rid of Twitter in this scenario.
Kim Jong-un becomes Instagram influencer: His wardrobe staple? A leather coat.
Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian have a baby: Another Davidson entry on this list. We actually don’t think this is entirely outside the realms of possibility given things seem to be going well between the two.
UFOs land, but promptly turn around: “Sorry, but you lot are the height of a no,” one of them will remark, hesitating briefly to tip their cowboy hat at earth before beaming off.
Global tea shortage: Since everything else that can possibly go wrong has already gone wrong…