When Scott from Blackburn woke up yesterday morning, one wonders whether he planned to turn it into the day he humiliated himself on live radio.
O’Brien has been a professional arguer on radio and TV for almost 20 years; he’s written a whole book on his opinions and titled it How To Be Right.
Yet Scott from Blackburn reckoned he’d be the one to change his mind. Spoiler: things didn't quite go to plan for him.
Discussing Amber Rudd’s comments that Tory leadership hopeful should stop “parading” their wives around, Scott said he thought “family values” were under siege.
“You liberals are unbelievable,” he began, while O’Brien stifled giggles. “The way you speak, it’s like, why should they be allowed to do that?”
Scott continued: “In today’s age, it’s like you’ve got the bubonic plague to promote family values.”
What follows is six minutes of O’Brien trying to get Scott to define “family values”, with the caller making increasingly absurd statements.
“What do ‘family values’ mean to you, Scott?” asks O’Brien repeatedly.
“I think feminism has made women miserable,” responds Scott, who appears to identify as male and does not mention possessing Mel-Gibson-in-What-Women-Want-style mind reading skills.
O’Brien tries again:
The question isn’t about that. The question is what are the values that you are here to support?
Eventually, the caller manages to blurt out “nuclear family” and “like in the 50s and 60s”, and says O’Brien is responsible for “denigrating” this concept.
“Me,” he responds.
Me with my wife who I married in church and my two children – we’re representative of an assault upon traditional values?
At this point, Scott seems equally as confused by his own argument as everyone else is, and pivots to talking about the “social engineering” that’s going on, because apparently trans people are overrepresented on TV and films – which he knows even though he doesn’t watch TV and can’t name a single film featuring a trans actor or character.
In what is perhaps a fit of frustration, O’Brien suddenly begins saying “Mrs Doubtfire!” over and over again for no discernible reason.
To be fair to Scott, he does mention two examples of where this social engineering is taking place: Sky News and MTV.
And what is it that they're over-representing you ask? Gay people, trans people and "people who want to marry their sisters”, an idea which – Scott knows – millennials are really into.
Meanwhile, O'Brien is still struggling to understand exactly what the "family values" that Scott can't define are.
You may wonder exactly why Scott chose to put himself through this. He explains that he’s run out of mobile data so doesn't really have anything else to do.
His new data bundle kicks in on 25 May, he tells us. He would read a book, but he’s already read all the ones he owns.
O’Brien closed the segment by suggesting Scott find some friends to hang out with instead of sitting around watching YouTube videos about how marriage equality is going to make us all marry our sisters.
“Or,” says the presenter before hanging up. “You could just run for the Tory party.”
Unclear whether the shade was directed towards Scott or the Conservatives but either way, the mic was dropped.