Who won PMQs? Keir Starmer compares Tories to Eastenders at Boris Johnson's final session

Boris Johnson faced Keir Starmer today at PMQs for the last. Ever. Time.

Parliament will now enjoy its summer recess and when MPs come back from their holidays, the Tories will have chosen whether Liz Truss, Penny Mordaunt or Rishi Sunak will be the next leader of the party and take over the weekly bust-up with the leader of the opposition.

So there's big 'Last Day Of Term' energy in parliament and Johnson may have felt a mix of relief, sadness and nostalgia as he looked Starmer in the eye for the last time.

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How did the weight of its significance, then, affect his performance? Did he go out on a win, or did he not bother exerting himself?

As ever, we'll be the judges.

Starmer: If you'd rather watch outrageous characters taking a lump out of themselves, you've got a choice: Albert Square or the Tory leadership debates" 3/10

We've squirmed at his up and down relationship with humour in the past and while he has landed some zingers, Starmer started with a very laboured joke in which he told viewers Eastenders, the Women's Euros and a leadership debate were all on tonight, like a demented TV guide, before comparing the Tories to the soap opera. Yikes.

Johnson: "I'm not following this thing particularly closely," 8/10

And after asking Johnson what he made of the candidates, the PM showed who is the wittier of the pair, unfortunately, with his blunt response.

Johnson: "What we've seen in the last two years was because of the pandemic," 7/10

Next Starmer savaged the PM over rising inflation and a dwindling economy, leading Johnson to bring up the pandemic and, look: it is a fair point that the pandemic pummelled the British economy. Give him a bone, he's leaving.

Starmer: "He's decided to come down from his gold wallpapered bunker for one last time to tell us everything is going to be fine. I am going to miss the delusion," 8/10

But the economy is nowhere near as good as Johnson makes out, so Starmer was right to come out fighting and make the PM look like the out-of-touch leader he is while taking the opportunity to bring up one of his many scandals.

Johnson: "He's a great pointless human bollard," 2/10

Johnson seemed annoyed then, and it was at this point where the slanging contest descended into pure chaos. He slammed Starmer, the opposition leader, for opposing some of the things Johnson suggested. He then called him Captain Hindsight, again, before later repeating his bollard joke like a drunk uncle at a wedding failing to recognise that people did hear the joke the first time, they just didn't last.

At least it will be for the last time.

Starmer: "They got us into this mess, and they have no idea how to get us out of it," 8/10

Starmer went back to slamming the Tory leadership hopefuls by using their words against them, as the party did in a now-viral campaign video. It was effective in the advert and it was effective in PMQs and shows that Starmer is already prepared to hammer Johnson's successor, whoever they might be.

Verdict

Johnson seemed keen to keep his last edition of PMQs light and - perhaps practising for a future career doing after-dinner speeches - made a number of jokes and tried to fob off Starmer's serious questions.

As ever, he focussed on Brexit, vaccines and the "strong" economy and left things by thanking his colleagues "for everything they've done" while Starmer slammed those running in the Tory leadership contest to show the country that whoever is destined to replace Johnson won't do much better.

It all felt like more of a pantomime than usual, because parliament is off for the summer and Johnson is off forever, and it seemed that no one's heart was really in it.

So this one's a draw.

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