We have four words. Four simple words that will change our summers forever, and for the better. What are they? Love Island is back.

Yes, the iconic dating show returned to our screens on Monday and we simply can’t be happier about the prospect of spending out evenings watching men with patterned shirts and tight white shorts crack on with women with a force field of hair spray surrounding them, while they daydream about their future Pretty Little Thing brand deals.

Of course, Love Island is now far too famous for contestants to claim they are just competing in a dating show. The fame and attention contestants get upon returning to England after their stints in the villa mean we can confidently say that Love Island is now a training scheme for influencers. Some will fail, others will flourish.

So, who is on the starting blocks this year?

Sharon Gaffka

Gaffka is a Civil Servant from Oxford and is therefore the token Clever One. (See Dr Alex, 2018). She has worked on Brexit, Track and Trace and transport, but now she is joining an infinitely more powerful establishment that yields more influence than the government could ever dream of. A smart career move, then.

Speaking to the Radio Times, she said: “I’m really clumsy and goofy. On social media, I look really put together but my friends who know me know I’ll fall down the stairs.”

Shannon Singh

Singh is a Scottish “party girl”, model, DJ and influencer. Love Island bread and butter, then. The press has so far been interested in the fact that her dad used to be a stripper and that she has an OnlyFans account so it looks like she could be one to watch stir things up in the villa.

Aaron Francis

Francis is a model, because who isn’t on Love Island? He also works in luxury events, including some parties for the Royal Family. His cousin is also Made In Chelsea’s Hugo Taylor who could perhaps prime him on how to go on TV without acting like a plonker.

In his VT he said: “I do like girls that are into similar things to me, I also like a girl that likes things that are a little bit different.” Seems like he will couple-up with literally anyone then.

Hugo Hammond

His name is Hugo. He is from Hampshire. Therefore, we can reasonably expect that Hammonds is this series’ Token Posh Man (see Charlie Brake, 2018, and Ollie Williams, 2020). Hammond is also a PE teacher so he fits the Love Island bill in another way - he is sporty. He has hit headlines for being the first islander with a physical disability (he was born with clubfoot).

Liberty Poole

No, this is not the name of a swimming pool in Ibiza but another contestant. Poole works for Nando’s and is looking for someone who won’t use her for discounted chicken. A big ask.

She told press: “I’ve had people try and rinse me for a date at Nando’s, get the discount and stuff. But I’ve never had a date in one. I’ve had a few things happen at work. I’ve had a napkin shaped like a rose given to me which was cute, that was when I first started working there and then I’ve been proposed to. It was a bit unexpected!”

She has also revealed that famous footballers have slid into her DMs and has said she is looking forward to making friends with the other girls, a statement which makes us fear for her.

Jake Cornish

Cornish, a handyman, told press: “My family would say I’m the one who is always up for a laugh, always having fun. I don’t take anything seriously. The prankster! My nickname is Tigger from Winnie the Pooh because I’m always bouncing all over the place. I’ve always got so much energy.”

He has just come out of a seven year relationship and used his VT to tell the nation that he “likes sucking toes” so we hope the female islanders don’t have open-toed sandals, for their sake and ours.

Kaz Kamwi

Kamwi is another influencer, and despite being 26 years old, she posts on TikTok. A cheugy queen?

Speaking in a promotional video for the series, she admitted she can be “a little bit toxic” and announced: “I want a guy to rail me.” Goodness.

Brad McClelland

McClelland seems like a complex man. In his VT he said his ex-girlfriend was “blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin” but that his type in his head is “the opposite”.

He is a labourer and lives with his grandmother. The token sweet one?

Chloe Burrows

Men with girlfriends are not “off limits”, claimed Burrows in her opening gambit. The financial services marketing executive also said she loves a “bad boy” and has already sparked criticism after she admitted to once having an affair with a married man.

Toby Aromolaran

There is always one footballer in a series of Love Island and Aromolaran is this year’s rep. He said he’s never been in a relationship. “If Love Island can’t find me a relationship then no-one can,” he said. No pressure then.

Faye Winter

Winter is a lettings manager. Filming her VT, she looked into the camera, smiled, and said she is looking for someone who can “literally rip me a new a***hole”.

This is a cast who have not enjoyed social distancing during the pandemic, and all that it entails. We can’t wait to see what they get up to.

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