So he decided to let iOS autocomplete do the paper for him...
I started a sentence with “Atomic” or “Nuclear” and then randomly hit the auto-complete suggestions. The text really does not make any sense.
After adding the first illustration on nuclear physics from Wikipedia, some references and creating a fake identity (Iris Pear, aka Siri Apple) I submitted the paper, which was accepted only three hours later.
I know that iOS is a pretty good software, but reaching tenure has never been this close.
Highlights from the paper include such immortal lines as: "[...] they will have been a good place for a good time at home the united front and she is a great place for a good time", and "physics are great but the way it does it makes you want a good book [...] I am just a little more than I can play for later and then it is very very good for a good game."
And observe the beautifully repetitive: "Nuclear energy is not a nuclear nuclear power to the nuclear nuclear program he added and the nuclear nuclear program is a good united state of the nuclear nuclear power program and the united way nuclear nuclear program nuclear."
Finally, bask in the magnificence of:
Scientist and I have been very good to me today I hope I have to work on tomorrow after work today so far but I'm still going for tomorrow night at work today but I'm not going home.
Truer words were never spoken.
Here's a demonstration of his genius:
Take note, all those who work to tight deadlines. They'll never know the difference. They might.