A surprise guest made a special appearance at Donald Trump’s Arizona rally yesterday: Mr Nigel Farage, all the way from England, somehow. (Apparently he’s been granted a ‘travel exemption’. How convenient!).

Farage turned up inexplicably to heap bizarre and unfounded praise on Trump, which apparently carries more weight if expressed with an English accent.

For those of us used to hearing the clipped tones moulded by English private schools though, what Farage was saying seemed less impressive. Rather, they were deemed "cringeworthy" and "embarrassing".

Here’s a little recap of some of the wildlest claims Farage made.

1. That Trump was the ‘most resilient and bravest person’ Farage had ever met

Farage really paid back the cost of his plane ticket and more, by opening his speech with the accolade that Trump was the “single most resilient and bravest person I have ever met in my life”.

This seems to speak more to the quality of company that Farage keeps than any particularly previously unseen redeeming aspects of Trump.

2. That Trump was the ‘only’ leader in the ‘free world’ to fight for ‘patriotism’

Another Farage claim: that Trump is the “only current leader in the free world who has got the guts to stand up and fight for the nation state, to fight for patriotism and to fight against globalism”.

Is it patriotic to repeatedly alienate large swathes of citizens via racist comments?

Is it patriotic to preside over one of the world’s largest death tolls in a pandemic after previously admitting to “downplaying” the severity of a virus?

Is it patriotic to bus out hundreds of elderly supporters for a rally in a remote airfield, then depart that rally, leaving people stranded in subzero temperatures?

If the answer is yes, then Trump is indeed a great patriot.

P.S. “Globalism” is a known far right conspiracy theory. Very patriotic to have it mentioned.

3. That Trump was ‘standing up’ to China

According to Farage, Trump is the “only leader in the western world with the real courage to stand up to the Chinese communist party”.

Ah yes, standing up to China by… spending an entire decade “pursuing business projects” there, then being very racist about the country. How admirable.

4. That Trump is bringing peace in the Middle East

A contender for Farage’s most embarrassing claim was the declaration Trump is “right now is bringing Israel together with Arab nations in a way that no-one ever believed was possible”.

Palestine possibly has something to say about that.

That Trump was the choice for people who want ‘decency and plain speaking’ from their President

Closing what was effectively a job pitch, Farage said a vote for Trump was a vote for “decency [and] plain speaking”.

From Trump’s speech at the same rally:

It’s crazy. I love you too. Nobody knows what happened. The fake news, look at all of them back there. That’s a lot of fake news back there. Look at that. Those red lights just went off. Anytime I refer to them, they turn the light off very quickly. They don’t want to have it broadcast when I call CNN bad names. 

Hispanic American families saw their net worth skyrocket by 64%. And I’m sitting in the hottest sun I’ve ever felt. This is hot. My last stop also in your great state, it had a different problem. The sun was hot. I’ve never seen wind like that. 

It’s lucky I don’t need teleprompters like Sleepy Joe because the teleprompters were falling down. They were going all over the place. I was getting a headache. I’m trying to look. But I have a good memory. 

I remember things unlike the sleepy one. He’s in a lid again. Did you know that, fellas? He’s in lid. This guy’s in a lid every single day. Lid, that refers to a garbage can. They put the lid on the can. He’s in his basement.

Ah yes, that good ol’ decency and plain speaking, just like Grandma used to!

Nigel, go home.

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