It’s wonderful when couples use their wedding to celebrate the people they love, giving them their own special role in the festivities.
It’s not wonderful, however, when this spirals out of control, and loved ones are left shouldering too many of the event’s burdens.
This is what happened to one maid of honour (MOH) who found herself essentially organising her friend’s big day.
She shared the bride’s list of demands on Mumsnet, asking whether this was the norm or whether her pal really had gone “OTT”.
Explaining that the pair had discussed the upcoming nuptials in more detail that day, she wrote that the bride-to-be told her: “Well obviously you will be in charge of organising the hen weekend. I will send you the details of my friends you don’t know.” The MOH clarified that there would be 25 guests in total, 15 of whom she’d never met before, or only briefly.
Her friend allegedly continued: “You will be in charge of organising the dress fittings for all bridesmaids (11 adult bridesmaids, two flower girls aged seven and nine), I’ll give you a list of Saturdays to pick from.
“I’ll be buying a gift for each bridesmaid but if I tell you what to get, you can order them and sort out as I won’t have time to do it.”
She went on: “Help me pick a photographer/videographer. You can decide out of a few we both choose. I will trust your judgement on that obviously.
“Organise the flowers. I will send you some examples. So all you have to do is have a look at a few florists and their reviews, prices… and then just go from there.”
No, she still hadn’t finished…
“I’ve got someone to do the hair but not the makeup. I probably won’t have the money to be honest for makeup [sic]. But on the day if you start early, you can do the makeup for everyone,” she said.
Then, turning to the day itself: “Keep an eye on the flower girls. Their mums won’t be with them so need to keep them happy!
“After the best man speech, I will let you do one obviously.”
The MOH then wrote that this was “everything she [could] think of ‘so far’”, followed by a crying emoji.
She ended her Mumsnet post by offering a bit more context, writing: “I love my friend dearly, and have always felt it to be a very equal friendship [...] But I think she’s thinking that I have a LOT of spare time, due to not working.”
However, she pointed out: “I have four children, one of them is severely disabled and requires round-the-clock care (hence [why] I’m on Mumsnet at 1am) and I don’t want to commit to every single thing, if I’m not able to deliver, due to being exhausted or in hospital with my son (happens often).”
Signing off, she asked: “What’s the verdict here?? Is this expected of a MOH? Would I be unreasonable to say I can’t/don’t want to take responsibility for all of the above?”
Suffice it to say, no, fellow Mumsnetters didn’t think she’d be unreasonable to reject every single one of the requests.
“Your friend has acquired herself a cheap wedding planner, actually a free wedding planner - she's taking the p*** frankly,” one wrote.
They went on: “Call me old fashioned, but this type of thing is between the bride, her fiancé and her Mum.
“Get back to her and say you can't get involved with organising anything, even the Hen do. This bride will take a mile if she takes an inch. Step away now.”
The MOH’s post even made its way onto Reddit’s “weddingshaming” subreddit, with one user commenting: “This woman is already over her head in stress and has zero spare time. Bride should have picked someone else or scaled it waaaaaay back. Just the fact she has 11 bridesmaids tells me she’s a bridezilla.”
Meanwhile, another asked: “Did the bride save your life or donate a kidney? I'm trying to wrap my head around what possible reason she could have that entitles her to treat you like this.”
The wedding is due to take place in September 2023. We just hope that's enough time for the bride to sort everything out...
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