The Conversation (0)
@tellthebeees (TikTok)/iStock
Relationship dynamics have always been a topic ripe for debate – and now, a fresh term is creating conversation online. It's called 'mankeeping', and the internet is invested.
The phrase recently gained traction after a TikTok user drew attention to a New York Times feature, prompting widespread discussion around emotional labour and modern gender roles. But the term itself didn't originate on social media. It was first coined by Angelica Puzio Ferrara, a postdoctoral fellow at Stanford University, as part of her academic research into structural gender inequality.
In her study, Theorizing Mankeeping: The Male Friendship Recession and Women’s Associated Labor as a Structural Component of Gender Inequality, Ferrara explores how the erosion of male social networks has led women (particularly in heterosexual relationships) to take on a disproportionate share of emotional responsibility.
She describes mankeeping as "the labour that women take on to shore up losses in men's social networks and reduce the burden of men’s isolation on families, the heterosexual bond, and on men."
iStock
This emotional effort reflects an "increasing and unequal dependency on close bonds with women," particularly when men lack friendships of their own.
The theory is built on three key ideas: that women often provide extra emotional support to men who don't have it elsewhere; that this support is a form of labour; and that it takes a toll on women's time and well-being when it's not equally reciprocated.
In a detailed TikTok that’s now surpassed a million views, user @tellthebees unpacked the concept of mankeeping in more depth, sparking a wave of discussion in the comments.
"Menkeeping, or 'women performing emotional labour for men', is having a real moment right now," he explained, referencing Catherine Pearson’s New York Times article that helped bring the term to wider attention.
"The women in [men's] lives end up doing all of the emotional labour for them," he added, before pointing to a viral tweet that caused a fiery debate.
The tweet was written in response to a now-deleted post that read: "I can't believe a guy tweeted 'So many things you don't know till you get a girlfriend haha' and his example was 'she told me I could open the window to let a breeze in'".
The reply that followed quickly gained traction: "But this is the joy of dating men. They legit do not know things! And u get to teach them s*** like 'you can go back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night'. Once a man didn’t know who his best friend was until I pointed it out! It’s so much fun."
The TikToker also addressed the wider debate, including the societal expectation that it's meant "to be a joyful and fun experience for women to train their boyfriends."
"It's something that's very much in the public consciousness, especially in American society and young straight women," he suggested.
Commenters didn't hold back. One viewer pointed out, "It's not just mankeeping. It's 'kinkeeping' with his entire family as well!"
Another added, "Patriarchy says 'respect me like I'm superior to you, but look after me like I'm inept.'"
A third took the conversation further, questioning what women actually receive from traditional partnerships. "But what do we get from marriage?" they asked.
They continued: "Why is it so valuable to us as women to permanently attach ourselves to men? Shouldn't we put ourselves in the most flexible position possible in case anything changes? Like emotional labour, is marriage just another 'thing' we're taught to value and deal with?"
Elsewhere, one TikToker framed it as a "power" dynamic, drawing comparisons to class: "It reminds me of how rich people are perfectly happy not knowing how to do laundry or grocery shop because they have always paid someone else to do it. And then we're supposed to think it's endearing or funny to watch them learn how to peel an orange for the first time."
And in a lighter take, another viewer blamed pop culture, specifically TV shows "where husbands have wives out their league. like Homer and Marge."
While the term may be new to some, the experience behind it clearly isn't – and the internet is more than ready to unpack it.
You may also like...
- What is ‘shrekking’? Gen Z’s toxic new dating trend
- Why The Summer I Turned Pretty fans are now obsessed with 'Black cat boyfriends'
Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter
How to join the indy100's free WhatsApp channel
Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.
Top 100
